Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:18-21

Monday, September 12, 2011

Welcome to Austin!

..... Here's the thing. Until I can get pictures uploaded on here I won't probably write much about Austin. That kinda thing is way more exciting when there's pictures to tell you all about! I will leave you with a mental image though... outside of the Austin Utilities office.... is a giant pig statue. The pig is wearing... an American flag onsie. 'nuff said.

Asking for prayer here:
1. First and foremost that my heart would let go of condemnation and anxiety, and cling to Him
2. That whatever work He has for me here, I put my whole self in and risk
3. For community :)

And.... Here's some poetry from the last few months:


when we no longer tarry in the place of secure, we ask ourselves if we'll love again. 

we meet silence. 

maybe not in this endurance. 
but on the timeline, somewhere close to the middle, on the right side, the side that's closer to the finish and farther from the start.
your eyes strain hope again, they beckon you to arise.
and you ask, but will I love again. 
because you want to know, that when you stand and look ahead, there will be life, in abundance, greater than the most wonderful painting, fuller than the most eloquent poem. 
and, will it swell even grander. 
will the color fill with more brilliance, will the laughter be more perfectly timed, and the sounds more resplendent, the sights greater still.

and you wait for the reply, and the sound in your ears, is like this dull melody.
and you're not quite sure if it's happy or sad, or if there's even lyrics, but the reverberation draws you in.

and you keep listening, straining to hear the faint pounding of the keys, the strokes of the guitar-so significant, 
as if they were chosen just to echo your heart's beat, 
as if they alone will forgive you the answer you seek. 

and the more you listen, the louder it gets.  
the quicker your heartbeats soften to the rhythm. 
and the keys grow louder, until all that resounds in your ears is this beautifully sorrow-filled redemptive memory of what was.
and you realize that you're still straining to listen for the end, because the strumming continues, this time, unrecognizable- yet familiar. 
growing stronger and filling the entire room with this glorious warmth.

and you realize, you'll love again. 
you're sure of it, as sure as you are of the melody. 

but this song,
this song, will never change. 
it's in you, written. 
and it's beautiful. finished. 

And even if you tried to clasp your hands with a deafening tightness, longing to drown out the twinge of grieving that comes at the bridge, 
your heart, 
Ah, your heart, 
it knows each vibration and will never stop until the end, until the glorious warmth of the end, the redemption. 
because as much as your heart knows the sorrow still, the joy begins to sweetly fade over-in-and through, until the two sit hand and hand, with welcome. 

1 comment:

Unknown said...

beautiful. love you. love your heart. love your honesty. love how God created you so splendid and lovely.