Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:18-21

Thursday, January 15, 2009

his own hurt.

A lot of times a person will take an oath, but when they find out when they have made a mistake, they will change it. But a truly honorable person, if he said he will do it, he will do it, even if it costs him. He who swears to his own hurt. "Yes, I will do it." Then finds out, "Hey, it's going to cost me," but he goes ahead and does it anyhow. He doesn't change. A man of his word, something that God really looks up to. -Chuck Smith

Psalm 15:4
“He who swears to his own hurt and does not change.” Most Translations
“Keep your word even when it costs you” MSG
“And keep their promises even when it hurts.” NLT

His own hurt: The act of being evil or displeasing; the act of being sad or injured; the act of brokenness.

Thinking of the promises that I have made to God... The first one was before I was saved. A token prayer, “If you help me find my wallet, I'll stop doing drugs.” The next, “If David and I break up, I'll give my life to you.” The next, “If you make this stop hurting, I'll commit my life to you.” The next, “I'll live by Your words.” The next, “I'll give you a tenth of my income.” The next, “I'll do what You've asked me regarding the gifts you've given me.” The next, the next, the next.

I just have made a lot of promises to God when it's convenient for me. But when life is painful, or when it is really great, I drop the ball. I do. When it costs me something, something I don't want to give, I just break my word. Or maybe it's something that I do want to give, but it just hurts so much to give it up, that I'm like, “surely, this is too unbearable to be taken from my hands.” I hold onto it. I swear to my own hurt, and do not change. I don't keep my word if it will cost me. I break my promise if it hurts too much.

I was running the other day (I know, running? Who does that?). And I hadn't really ran in a while and so it was kind of hard. One foot in front of the other, the thoughts streamed through my head, “this is hard, this is costing my body” and I would venture to say, the Holy Spirit confirmed that, and then pushed the thought farther, “The more that it costs you, the greater the worth.” And it's true. It has cost me a lot to live here and be obedient to God. It will continue to cost me. And... well... that's okay I guess. Because, “God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” and, “He who does these things shall never be moved.”

Keep your word. Even when it costs you. Sigh.

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