Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:18-21

Saturday, September 20, 2008

well, I mean, I should probably blog.

It's kind of been a while since I last blogged and I figured it was probably time. However, I'm not so much in the "blogging" mood. SO! It'll be short and semi-sweet for those of you who enjoy that kinda thing.

I got a job. I work at a Preschool in Sherwood (West Portland), with eight snot-nosed, but precious 18-month olds. Upon my first day at work, I wept in my car because I hated it.... It wasn't what I pictured as my job in Portland at all. In fact, nothing has looked how I thought it would. All of the plans that I made before I came up here, fell through. Which isn't a bad thing. It just means that it's not what God had purposed for me. I'm starting to like my job, I work with some real sweet girls and hopefully I will someday come to really enjoy it. If not... then I probably won't continue there, because I am a firm believer that you should enjoy where you spend most of your time.

I found a roomate. I think. We're looking for apartments right now and actually a third roomate because rent in West Portland is very expensive. So! We'll see how that goes. It's weird though. I've only ever lived with my best friends since I was 16. This is a change and honestly, I don't really like it. But if I'm learning anything right now, it's that this is a season of having to do a lot of things that I don't want to, or wouldn't normally do.

I'm stoked on what God is doing inside of me right now. And I'm trying my best to not rush through the process of Him building my character and bringing me closer to Him. I'm trying not to want things that I don't have and be content with what I do have. I'm trying my best to consistently run to Him and not try and build a life here without Him. Without solid relationships close by, I have to examine my heart and motives on a regular basis because turns out... when you have distractions, you don't really have to examine all that often. You can forget about most things and just live with God as a side-dish, until seemingly dramatic events occur in your life and your forced to turn and figure life out. It's a mediocre life at its very best, but yet, I found it doable for quite some time. NOW, however, that is not the case. I only have God. Even when I'm with a group, or a new friend, or at work, or church, I'm still alone. I go home alone and it is... well, lonely. But I do have to say, that I am 100% sure that God would have me in no other place. And honestly, there is no other place I would rather be. I can't explain it. Last night in Worship and the entire time that John Mark was speaking, my heart was screaming. I was able to engage and listen and praise the Lord, but the entire time, my heart was screaming, "GOD! GOD! LOOK UPON ME! HERE I AM! COME HERE!" It was desparation at its very finest. And in that moment I understood the scripture that says, "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God." Psalm 84:2
God was beyond incredible in all His goodness, but, I was still lonely. I'm beginning to understand that is just a part of life. Adam was lonely, and then he got Eve. God is incredible at providing support when we're in that spot... but still, there are times, when we just get to be there. So! what do we do inside of it all? I do random things, like I listen to comfort. Like Death Cab and Phil Wickham and Coldplay, not really because of the lyrics, but because of the comforting memories that accompany them.

Shoot. Sorry guys, I thought it'd be short. Blogging sometimes just overtakes me. It helps me sort out my thoughts.

New Friends and New Beach Adventures!

Meet Megan. She works at a kick-a nice hotel downtown portland and lives above coffee house northwest with a rockin' roomate, Ashley! They are both wonderful and I'm excited to get to know them!

rooftop bar in Mcminfield. (mcminnevillet, it's a silent T. I never know how to spell it)

Janna Meyen is now Janna Weatherby! Here are the bridesmaids shoes of choice!

The lovely couple. plus tara. I forgot my camera, so the pictures are compliments of tara's camera!

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