Lord I believe, help my unbelief.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:18-21

Monday, June 16, 2008

Secrets I've Discovered

1. I want to travel. I want to start in New Zealand and continue anywhere. I plan on leaving in February or later (depending on how much money I can save by then) and don't plan on coming back until I run out of money. I want to ride trains while I travel and camp and see the glory of God's creation. I want to buy crazy jewelery and work in orphanages and meet drifters and spend days reading on blankets in some country that I don't speak the language. I want to sit in outside cafes and pubs with locals and have them tell me crazy stories about when they were young. I want to meet people with the name Ocklette. I'm thinking that they live in Sweden... but I'm not totally sure

2. I'm thinking about a move to Portland, mid-august. I was going to live with my grandma and might still for a little bit... but the plan thus far, is to rent a room from some nice portlander and school it up at PCC and then transfer to PSU. I'm going to be taking online classes while I travel too. That way I won't fall behind in school.

3. I have all these plans. And they could change, they could look completely different than what I want. God could flip them upside down and I could never make it to New Zealand or Portland or... Sweden (I don't really want to go there...). But the thing is, that's totally fine with me. I'm up for whatever. I'm young and have no ties anywhere and I want to see the world and meet new people. I want to GO! and enjoy life outside of Bend. Because there is life outside of Bend. There are other churches. There are other jobs. There are other apartments. There are other freaking coffee shops people.

4. I'm totally scared. But at the same time, completely excited. I want to live the verse that says, "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also]. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" Matt. 16:24-26

I realize that the secrets above could very well be my own desires. But the thing is, I just feel that God is big enough and sovereign to come and direct my path. My heart is submitted to Him. I want His plan for my life. In little things I'm submitted, so that when it comes time to make bigger decisions, it's not this lofty unbearable weight. I've been walking alongside Jesus, He's not going to let me go astray. And if I fail, then I'll get back up. Sometimes we get to fail, sometimes God allows it. Failing keeps us humble and reminds us that we are solely dependent on God.


Cassie said...

i love the honesty in this blog!! totally refreshing!

if you ever head north of seattle about 2 hours you will find The Woods Coffee. amazing is the only word to discribe it.in India there is a great coffee chain called Barista it serves lovely and yummy coffee and tea. In West Africa there are not many coffee places, however you won't need it, the Atyea (Ah-tie-ya) tea is so delisous and caffinated you will forget about coffee altogether. And in Argetina the have Matte'.

So GO nicolette. Travel the world. see the Creator in a whole new way AND enjoy the yummy cultured drinks of the world. You will certainly be missed, but i am to much of a dream-believer to let missing someone interfear with me HOORAY-ing their dreams. So; Hooray for you, and your dreams/plans!

erika_glenn.kara said...

it is so scary to think about how huge the world is around us, and to think of going out into it exposed! i think that if you allow God to take you out into it, there is no way you won't be enthralled by God's glory. this is going to be AMAZING for you. and yes, i will miss you as will many others, but this is going to be so amazing and important. everyone should be dedicated like you are to going and doing and fulfilling your dreams.
God will work with you through your dreams. He totally will.
btw, online classes while vagabonding the world? good luck. i couldnt do it. and you really should go to sweden. i hear its pretty interesting.


ps. DO IT! dont let fear, uncertainty, friends, or laziness get in the way.

Luke & Kristin said...

you're stupid

Kristen said...

You can always come visit me if you end up in Thailand : )

Seth said...

Don't lay down to die and whisper "if only"

joann renee said...

Remember: I shall be looking for a roommate in the Portland area as well...Let's make hippy corn together and discover new niches.

joshandkarlee said...

My automatic reaction to this is...so sad. But then, I realize, wait a minute, I don't even live in Bend. If God is calling you out of Bend for a season (however long it may be), then outside of Bend is where you will walk in the abundant blessing of God! So anyway, we will be in Bend next weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday)...we should hang out and talk more about your not-so-much-secrets-anymore.

Eric and Lindsay said...

So proud. So very proud.

Let's meet in Paris, eh?

Luke & Kristin said...

don't listen to any of these people.. the real wisdom in these comments is... "you're stupid"

Yessica said...

Am I "some nice portlander?"