2. I'm thinking about a move to Portland, mid-august. I was going to live with my grandma and might still for a little bit... but the plan thus far, is to rent a room from some nice portlander and school it up at PCC and then transfer to PSU. I'm going to be taking online classes while I travel too. That way I won't fall behind in school.
3. I have all these plans. And they could change, they could look completely different than what I want. God could flip them upside down and I could never make it to New Zealand or Portland or... Sweden (I don't really want to go there...). But the thing is, that's totally fine with me. I'm up for whatever. I'm young and have no ties anywhere and I want to see the world and meet new people. I want to GO! and enjoy life outside of Bend. Because there is life outside of Bend. There are other churches. There are other jobs. There are other apartments. There are other freaking coffee shops people.
4. I'm totally scared. But at the same time, completely excited. I want to live the verse that says, "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also]. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" Matt. 16:24-26
I realize that the secrets above could very well be my own desires. But the thing is, I just feel that God is big enough and sovereign to come and direct my path. My heart is submitted to Him. I want His plan for my life. In little things I'm submitted, so that when it comes time to make bigger decisions, it's not this lofty unbearable weight. I've been walking alongside Jesus, He's not going to let me go astray. And if I fail, then I'll get back up. Sometimes we get to fail, sometimes God allows it. Failing keeps us humble and reminds us that we are solely dependent on God.