Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy.

Spamtown USA

2011-09-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

Aight ya'll. Here's the scoop! On where I am, where I've been, and what's up ahead!

You've all heard correctly, I moved to Minnesota. And a lot of you are wondering... "Um, why?" Great question. I ask myself that same thing about 47 times a day. I think that as the days have gone by it's that number is potentially decreasing, but I don't know, yet cause today is the first time I counted, since you asked of course.

I felt like it was time to start settling into some sort of career. I've wanted to everything from teaching English, to working in an orphanage overseers, to opening up my own non-profit daycare for struggling moms. And... I've traveled. I've traveled all around the states and Europe and have loved it. I've gotten to intern at an amazing church and build lifelong relationships. I've gotten to live in Portland and go to a big University and experience college life, I've gotten to have a real adult job as a program manager in a beautiful life-changing organization where I saw lives completely restored and children healed. And through a series of events... I am where I am! My job title is Social/Emotional specialist. I work with 3-5 year olds making sure that they are socially and emotionally on track.

I wanted to finish school, but didn't want to take out loans, and after serving in Americorps for a year, they give you an education award which is about a $1,000 less than what it costs to attend Portland State University. So I figured, I would serve for a year, in a new place, gain some new skills, build the resume and then go back to school. And maybe by then, I would have the gusto and vision to finally get my degree. Yes, part of my slow education has been due to the fact that I have consistenly worked a full-time job and gone to school and kept up a solid social life. But the other factor that has stopped me from making the big commitment, is that I really didn't want to graduate with a degree that I wasn't going to use.

Austin, MN.
Population: 25,000ish
Otherwise known as: Spamtown, USA (Hormel headquarters)
Fun facts: It has a horrific smell (kudos Spam) about 50% of the time your outside. My neighborhood is called Taco Flats (I'll let you guess why). People here call lunch, dinner - and dinner, supper. There is one section of the one grocery store, that is organic, I live there. Truly, I live there. Everyone in Austin knows the one girl, with the green race car, that has the loud muffler, and everyone thinks she should get a ticket. In the 1980s there was huge strike at the Hormel factory, the strikers lost, and since then Hormel has brought in a lot of refugees from the Sudan.

I'll keep updating on life here. Please call, email, text me. Because, it is a bit lonely right now!

Are We Not These Paintings?

2011-09-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

Are we not these paintings?

What I love about art
is it's terrible beauty
The color and darkness
The joy and terror

It is full and empty
Breathtaking and oppressive

each piece hewn from the mind and soul of someone expressive
And I respect that
Each demonstration may not cause my deep exhalation
But, I respect that person, because they brought their heart, their life out into the open
Some moment born into the world caught their heart and as if they couldn't hold their fingers back from the brush.... They express.
and they are better for it, lighter
Because their expression releases them

And, I get that

Maybe it's the most terrible painting I've ever beheld....

But, I get it

Are we not those paintings?
Terrible, awful, brilliantly canvassed, framed so ornately, meticulously stroked and paint thrown at walls, sculpted of old doorknobs and fishing line

Are we not these sculptures?

Each standing in representation of some victory triumphant, some moment of failure or fault
Some time in their life filled with hope

And just like our humanity, I am drawn in or repelled

Because we all want to be known and exposed and for the layers of our hearts to be held and examined, looked on intentionally and with careful discretion
We create, because we want to be known
We want Him to know, them to know
Show the world something

And who's to say what I think is beautiful is really so,
Because it's constructed of this or that, looks this way, and is defined by me

I am not the creator or the judge of it's validity
I am my own piece
I am splattered with every shade of blue
I am carefully, violently and with pressed fingertips outlined in deep charcoal
My yellows shine behind the silhouette pushing my frame forward to the tip of this ledge, like stars hiding behind the night sky, begging to be released from the captivity of daylight

I am my own piece
So is he
So is she
So are they
How can you say we are not
How can each piece say to the other, you are not art, you are not beautiful, you are not created to be looked at, touched,
you cannot draw others in.

We are.

We are these paintings.

use vinegar on your jeans

2011-09-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

Meet Pam.
Pam is a retired RN.
Pam drives the only Subaru in Austin.
Pam likes big green pens with yellow flowers on the end.
Pam knows how to get the crease to stay down the middle of your jeans, by sprinkling vinegar on them before ironing.
Pam is an angel.

*Rewind*

Made it to Austin. Promptly panicked about living in a small town and having nothing to do / being lonely. Went to a Bible study at Faith Evangelical Free Church. Which consisted of three women in their late 40's... and me :). One of those women, was Pam.

It'd been a tough week, filled with approximately 463 moments where I was about to pack my bike and ride the 120ish miles to the Minneapolis airport. Shockingly though, I didn't make it. I met Pam instead. It's not that Pam is so great. It's just that Pam was the perfect moment, in the midst of all the other hard ones. I said my goodbyes at the bible study and as I was leaving, she reaches our her arms and says, "I love hugs!". And gives me a big hug, whispers in my ear, "I'm praying for you."

This week, Pam filled my life with lots more of those moments! Which included filling my cupboards with groceries, getting me a bed and dresser and taking me to the farmer's market filling my hands with cash and told me to get whatever fresh fruits and veggies I desired! And then instead of probing me with all these deep questions about where I was at in life, etc. she bought me dinner and said, "I feel like the Lord wants you to know you have the freedom to choose." Which means a lot, and... too much to explain in a blog. But it was Jesus lifting my head.

Welcome to Austin!

2011-09-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

..... Here's the thing. Until I can get pictures uploaded on here I won't probably write much about Austin. That kinda thing is way more exciting when there's pictures to tell you all about! I will leave you with a mental image though... outside of the Austin Utilities office.... is a giant pig statue. The pig is wearing... an American flag onsie. 'nuff said.

Asking for prayer here:
1. First and foremost that my heart would let go of condemnation and anxiety, and cling to Him
2. That whatever work He has for me here, I put my whole self in and risk
3. For community :)

And.... Here's some poetry from the last few months:

Written

when we no longer tarry in the place of secure, we ask ourselves if we'll love again.

we meet silence.

maybe not in this endurance.
but on the timeline, somewhere close to the middle, on the right side, the side that's closer to the finish and farther from the start.
your eyes strain hope again, they beckon you to arise.
and you ask, but will I love again.
because you want to know, that when you stand and look ahead, there will be life, in abundance, greater than the most wonderful painting, fuller than the most eloquent poem.
and, will it swell even grander.
will the color fill with more brilliance, will the laughter be more perfectly timed, and the sounds more resplendent, the sights greater still.

and you wait for the reply, and the sound in your ears, is like this dull melody.
and you're not quite sure if it's happy or sad, or if there's even lyrics, but the reverberation draws you in.

and you keep listening, straining to hear the faint pounding of the keys, the strokes of the guitar-so significant,
as if they were chosen just to echo your heart's beat,
as if they alone will forgive you the answer you seek.

and the more you listen, the louder it gets.
the quicker your heartbeats soften to the rhythm.
and the keys grow louder, until all that resounds in your ears is this beautifully sorrow-filled redemptive memory of what was.
and you realize that you're still straining to listen for the end, because the strumming continues, this time, unrecognizable- yet familiar.
growing stronger and filling the entire room with this glorious warmth.

and you realize, you'll love again.
you're sure of it, as sure as you are of the melody.

but this song,
this song, will never change.
it's in you, written.
and it's beautiful. finished.

And even if you tried to clasp your hands with a deafening tightness, longing to drown out the twinge of grieving that comes at the bridge,
your heart,
Ah, your heart,
it knows each vibration and will never stop until the end, until the glorious warmth of the end, the redemption.
because as much as your heart knows the sorrow still, the joy begins to sweetly fade over-in-and through, until the two sit hand and hand, with welcome.

and the Light shines on in the darkness...

2011-05-16T17:18:00.001-07:00

for the darkness has never overpowered it. Truth, bring it.
(from a super intense time back in January, more happy narratives to come)

His stitches will heal you

Why would I?
As if my fingers were gasping for air, I claw at the stitches You've sown in my heart.

When I'm broken and bleeding and falling apart-
You stitch and You stitch and You reach for my heart.

But I know my healing comes from You.

Why do I?
Rip. And I rip. and I rip out Your stitches.
I'll fix it myself, You can't fix this, I won't let it.

I won't let it heal.
I crave the pain.
It's sick. And it's twisted.
I wish I desired Your medic.

Your twine-much stronger.
Your needle-how sharp.

But I reach for the cheap, the replaceable yarn.
The rusty old hook used for crocheting.
I'll fix it myself.
Your stitches mean nothing.

......

But.
Mine bend.
And they break, even as I tie them tighter.
Each hole I compress, the blood pours out faster.

I can't fix this.
I've made a mess of my heart.
The lining breaks.
The stitches bow and I cry out from infection.
It festers and turns colors I've never imagined.
Your stitches.... I wish I would have listened.

Let You stitch.

Put my arms to my side,
close my eyes,
feel your breath as You work,
Your hand that steadies me.

............calm seems elusive, and yet on the tip of my tongue.

You reach for your twine, much stronger than mine.
Threading Your needle.
And I close my eyes.
Terror seeps in, tears stroll down, hot against my cheek-
and reminds me I'm alive.

You wait. Patiently.
Hand on my elbow.

I break.
my shoulders shake.
and I fall to my knees.
My head rests on your lap and I fight the urge to run.
Your hand. Firm on my back.

I quiet.

I yell.

Protect me! Why didn't you protect me?!

Hate rises. Instant regret. I'm so angry. I'm so hurt.

..........

You weep over me.
Tears fall on my hands. my arms. oddly comforting I look up.

My face, cradled in Your hands-rough and warm.

I have loved you. you are precious to me. I delight in you. let Me heal you. Let me stitch your heart together. I can fix this.

I can fix this. I can make you whole.

I look away. He stays.
He always stays.
My head lays down.
I'm not ready.
He waits. He stays. He always stays.

I give way to the pain.

Terrified. I expose my heart.

He begins,and it feels as if my whole world crashes in.
He works.
He works.
He stays.
He always stays.

I have to write about this.

2010-01-09T10:16:00.001-08:00

It's simple and not-so-important. But it intrigues me and I do love a nice intrigue. I'm sitting in this Starbucks, doing homework, like a good PSU student. It's earlyish, and there are multiple families out this morning, having a walk, and infusing their children with delicious warm chocolate beverages. One family in particular, a father-daughter pair, has sat down at my eleven o'clock, He with his paper, her with her chocolate milk. As he reads, she sips on her milk, and boredom sets in. She exclaims, "Look Daddy! Look! It's funny!" as she blows bubbles and does things all 3-year old little girls do, like promptly overflowing her milk and needing napkins. The father, is... consumed in his paper. She's spilling more milk, and laughing and he then realizes that a fat stack of napkins will soon enter their morning routine. He explains where they are, and tells her to get them. She of course wanders around and claims to be unable to find them. He obliges after two minutes of this, and gets them for her. The scene continues with her,vying for his attention in numerous ways, only to admit defeat, and lay her head on his arm as he reads the paper, which was an incredibly sweet and endearing picture. And I'm sure that he loves her, but... he's consumed, by other things, and continues to offer distractions instead of his so-sought after presence. By now, she's playing with his Iphone, as he types, mumbling the occasional "mmm-hmmm, yes honey" but all the while never even looking up. I know it's spiteful... but I kind of hope she drops it.

"Because God has us in mind..."

2009-11-16T08:25:00.001-08:00

"...and had something better and greater in view for us..." Hebrews 11:40

I was reading in Ezekiel and Hebrews this morning and was reminded of three things. The first:
God loves to get our attention. Case in point ::
"He said to me, Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel. So I opened my mouth, and He caused me to eat the scroll." Ezekiel 3:1-2 I feel like, this is the perfect example of God asking us to do the ridiculous in order to catch someones attention. After this He asks Ezekiel to of course, lay on his side and be a living testimony of sin, cooking his food on human poop. If this sight doesn't catch your attention... well... you must have seen a lot of crazy things in your day.

The second:
Our God is an interactive God. When He asked Ezekiel to cook his food over human poop, Ezekiel was like, "um...the thing is... maybe there's a different option?"
God listened to Ezekiel and responded. Ezekiel spoke. He listened. He responded. He moved. This should be the pattern of our life. We speak, God listens, He speaks, we listen, He moves. Time and time again, this is the pattern of men and women in the Bible. God desires interaction, reciprocation. It's the typical Social Exchange Theory.

The Third:
God has us in mind. The whole situation involving Ezekiel is in place, because He has in mind, He's trying to get our attention, He's thinking of us. In Hebrews 11 it talks about Isaac thinking of his children's future and blessing it, Jacob thinking of his grandchildren's future and blessing them, Moses' parents hiding him-thinking of his future, Moses refusing to be the son of Egypt-thinking of his people's future, God parting the Red Sea-thinking of his children's future.... and on and on and on. God has us in mind. He has our future in mind.

Our attention captivator, interactive, forward thinking God. Help us to listen, respond, and act.

Thank You Lord, for getting our attention, dialoging, and caring for us as your children.

hmmm.

2009-10-14T19:49:00.001-07:00

Picture list:
1. The best waffle you will ever taste. I had them in Italy and they freaking rocked my world. If you'd like to partake, New Seasons sells Belgian Pearl Sugar, and the recipe is on the back. Just add whip cream and some berries and your heart will explode with delight.
2. A favorite. My fireplace. Oh my goodness. It's just a wonder I don't spend every hour of every stormy, blustery cold Fall day in front of this incredible invention.
3. Italy. enough said.
Well...
1. Tara will be married soon! I'm excited for all that entails.
2. I'm going to Bend this weekend and am very excited to see all the people I adore.
3. Solid Rock, the Church I attend here in Portland is going to do a service in the city, which means, I'm getting closer and closer to actually living in Portland. WHICH I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT. I know that it's been good for me to live in the suburbs... God has had a purpose inside of it all, and I'm grateful that He's blessed me with such awesome roommates, but I am ready to be in the heart.... well... the close outlying heart of Portland.
4. I have a "new" job. Which means that I do what I did before, only now, I have an office, a salary (which means, I get comp time, which is awesome cause then I don't always have to use my vacation pay for time-off), and I can make my own hours (which is perfect for my school situation).

Ahhh. All is right.

2009-08-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

Well. I think it's safe to say, that I live in Portland. A year has gone by. A whole year. It is wild. Truly wild, as Jessica would say. I am a different person than I was a year ago. I wish I could go month by month and tell you of all the things that I learned. But... let's face it. I have a horrific memory. So I'll just give you a quick 1,2,3.

1. I've learned about long distance relationships. Sweetly and surprisingly what I feared the most, didn't happen. I still have rich relationship and adore all of my close friends from back home. I miss them just the same, but it's now a tiny ache that brings joy to my eyes and heart. Seeing Facebook and blog updates reminds me that I still miss that I won't get to see Liv grow everyday and that I can't sit in Jessie's art studio and watch her paint all the time and that I can't help strip the cabinets with Lindsay or address wedding invitations with Tara. Those things, you just wish you could be there for. Your loves, your life, your family, is always missed. It's a seesaw of balancing emotions, and I'm right in the middle :)
2. I've grown into my relationship with the Lord. In the real way. It looks so incredibly different from when I was an intern at the church, and when I was first out of the giant christian bubble of CMC, and even from when I very first moved. It's approachable and honest and I'm challenged constantly.
3. I am an ever growing jam jar of security. You really notice where your comforts and securities lie when you move completely out them. And you get to constantly build with Jesus. And that has been soooooo good for me.

I love you all. Here's to another year!!

There was a time

2009-07-31T07:32:00.001-07:00

When....
Blogging was a priority.
I had a middle part.
Snow cones with a bubblegum at the bottom were a part of life.
I wore overalls.
I ran.
Cheese and mayo sandwiches were all I'd eat.
I grew a garden.
Jenna wasn't a million miles away.
I lived in Bend.
I thought I was going to be a high school english teacher (ha ha).
Hippie was a way of life.
My bedroom was painted bright yellow, and then turquoise sponge paint.
I had purple hair and an eyebrow piercing.
My Grandpa was the best person I'd ever known.
I covered my body in lipstick and ran through the sprinklers.
I stole 5 cent candy from the store and my dad found out and made me return it.
Forts were a lifestyle.
I paid the church to pray and seek the Lord.
I was too old to be a "snowboarder" for halloween.
I was nostalgic and wanted to blog but didn't have anything of substance at 7:30 in the morning.

wowsa. it's been a long time

2009-05-03T20:19:00.001-07:00

1. Lovely little friends came for a visit and to saint cupcake we drove!
2. A Lovely little visit to faraway Idaho. It was so good to see old friends and take a little breather :)
3. Just some family pictures for the mantle... you think I'm joking? I'll let you think that
4. Trips to the beach- Have become a wonderful part of life. Being so close, is like gold.
5. And dodgeball!!! Yes, yes. I play it, and am doing pretty good. It's seriously so fun.

and I still don't really feel like blogging. Maybe someday I will... but for now, I'm just going to upload some pictures for the family and faraway friends!!
I love you all!

Oh That Glory Would Be Given

2009-02-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

:: One of the many joys that my new home brings to my heart :: Sleeping bag stair sledding :: Lindsay... Remember when we broke that sleeping bag at the church, sliding CMC room stairs?? Good times.

Thankfulness has been the key area that God has really been speaking to me lately in. Part of the reason would be that, if I have an attitude of thankfulness than there isn't room for complaining. Which then means that there isn't any room for discontentment, comparison, thoughts of lack and a lot of other things. I realize that a lot of the time, I just say that I'm thankful, even when I don't really feel like it because if I let those brief moments of ungratefulness occur... they take over and I lose heart. SO! I'm making a list of some things that I'm so thankful for. And just giving glory to God in general because He deserves it and I really want to make public the things that He has done.
A. He continues to love me. Even though I don't deserve it, most of the time don't feel it, and often times flat out walk away from it.
B. He has blessed me with the most wonderful home in the whole world. I live with three very lovely, very in-love with Jesus women. Amanda :: makes me laugh so much, guaranteed we laugh at least three times during any interaction we have, and it's the good hearty laugh, where I have to cross my legs so I don't pee myself. She offers such encouragement and prayer and tells me in a million ways not to give up. She's a great person to process life with. and lastly... she shares my love of cookies. Kellie :: is so much like Tara and that in itself is so wonderful. The more Tara the better. She is a elementary teacher and brings home the greatest stories of her classroom, that make me laugh. She is organized and loves to spend time with all of us, as a family, she's like the house mom, except... she's younger than all of us by like three years which makes it more comical. and there's Kaylyn :: I just love Kaylyn so much. She has invited me into her life with open arms. she makes me smile SO MUCH. She finds joy and laughs at so much and that makes me laugh, she genuine and not careless with her words and has many dance parties to booty music in the car, kitchen and really wherever else we feel necessary. And she narrates shows... which makes me laugh, because I don't actually think she knows she's doing it.
I love coming home. It has been such a safe haven. It has been a resting ground, a place of life and love and laughter and I'm so grateful that God has given me this home. He fulfills His promise "to place the solitary in families". And I will give all the glory to God for it all. He found it for me, He provided the means to pay for it, cause it's out of my price range and is 30 minutes from my work. He blessed me with a grandma that offered to pay $100/month and gave me a gas card, so I don't have that expense either... not to mention, she pays for my phone... wow. I am blessed financially by Jesus. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you God.

I should stop... cause this is getting long. More gratitude to come. I love you all and miss the ones far away terribly.

My Heart.

2009-02-09T20:35:00.000-08:00

There is a place, that is so sweet.
When you see it you know.
The air... is thick.
And a soft mist invades every space your eyes can see.
Light is everywhere, but it's not the normal kind of daylight.
Breathing in deep the smell of honey and earth that can't escape.
It's the snug evening light that is golden right before it turns pinks and purples and reds. A Southern Sunset.
And in that moment, you know. It then becomes this indescribable warmth that floods your entire body and pours out your fingertips.

Sometimes. That's what my heart feels like. But just like the sun setting... it only last minutes. And this picture doesn't paint an accurate picture. But it's the closest that I could find.

his own hurt.

2009-01-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

A lot of times a person will take an oath, but when they find out when they have made a mistake, they will change it. But a truly honorable person, if he said he will do it, he will do it, even if it costs him. He who swears to his own hurt. "Yes, I will do it." Then finds out, "Hey, it's going to cost me," but he goes ahead and does it anyhow. He doesn't change. A man of his word, something that God really looks up to. -Chuck Smith

Psalm 15:4
“He who swears to his own hurt and does not change.” Most Translations
“Keep your word even when it costs you” MSG
“And keep their promises even when it hurts.” NLT

His own hurt: The act of being evil or displeasing; the act of being sad or injured; the act of brokenness.

Thinking of the promises that I have made to God... The first one was before I was saved. A token prayer, “If you help me find my wallet, I'll stop doing drugs.” The next, “If David and I break up, I'll give my life to you.” The next, “If you make this stop hurting, I'll commit my life to you.” The next, “I'll live by Your words.” The next, “I'll give you a tenth of my income.” The next, “I'll do what You've asked me regarding the gifts you've given me.” The next, the next, the next.

I just have made a lot of promises to God when it's convenient for me. But when life is painful, or when it is really great, I drop the ball. I do. When it costs me something, something I don't want to give, I just break my word. Or maybe it's something that I do want to give, but it just hurts so much to give it up, that I'm like, “surely, this is too unbearable to be taken from my hands.” I hold onto it. I swear to my own hurt, and do not change. I don't keep my word if it will cost me. I break my promise if it hurts too much.

I was running the other day (I know, running? Who does that?). And I hadn't really ran in a while and so it was kind of hard. One foot in front of the other, the thoughts streamed through my head, “this is hard, this is costing my body” and I would venture to say, the Holy Spirit confirmed that, and then pushed the thought farther, “The more that it costs you, the greater the worth.” And it's true. It has cost me a lot to live here and be obedient to God. It will continue to cost me. And... well... that's okay I guess. Because, “God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” and, “He who does these things shall never be moved.”

Keep your word. Even when it costs you. Sigh.

Noah.

2009-01-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

I read Genesis five and six today. And I just want to know Noah. And these verses are the reasons why.

“Noah was a righteous man, the only blameless man living on earth at the time. He consistently followed God's will and enjoyed a close relationship with Him.” Gen. 6:9.
AND
"Noah did everything exactly as God had commanded him." Gen. 6:22.

Mostly because He enjoyed a close relationship with God. He enjoyed. He enjoyed relationship. He enjoyed relationship with God. And I just wonder what that is like. I wish I could say that I always enjoy my relationship with God. But unfortunately... that's not the case some of the time. Eventually it will be. The closer I get to God, the more I see how ridiculous I am. And the more that I let Him lay foundation, the more I see how much He cares for me and that makes me fall in love with Him. Falling in love with God is a very interesting thing. How can you really fall in love with Him? He's giant. He's the Creator of the universe, more important than the president or the richest man in the world. And if you take their importance and magnify if by a million, you wouldn't even come an inch close to God's importance. And so... as much as I can't imagine falling in love with the President or Donald Trump... Sometimes I feel similarly with how I would approach loving God. I know that isn't the case. But it's like an unspoken mindset. That I would love to be broken. Thoughts on verses to take that one on?

From what the verses above say, I would assume that His consistent obedience to God's will was the key. Because if you're obedient to what God would have you do, then you pretty much fall into the category of righteousness and blamelessness. But now, we add Jesus into the mix. Because we can't all be Noah. How did he do it? I mean, really? How did it go down? He was the only blameless person on the face of the earth. Even now... I think that it doesn't matter all that much. Because if I found Noah, in all his glory, and found his life plan and his journal of practical applications, would it really matter? Then I'd be following Noah, instead of Jesus. But I still wonder, what he would've been like, I'm excited to meet Noah.

we sing. we dance. we break things.

2008-12-29T20:51:00.001-08:00

Which I'm sure has nothing to do with anything.
Things that you should read:
*Something Beautiful for God. A ridiculously inspiring account of Mother Teresa. It's short and sweet and beyond challenging.
*Your old journals. It's good to go back and see what God has spoken, what you've overcome, what you're still dealing with (which is frustrating), and really to remember. How easily we forget.
*A Year of Living biblically. I think that last word is spelled wrong. But my spell check won't even let it be a real word. It's written by a very agnostic, very funny fellow. He takes a year of his life and lives the Bible out literally.
*A commentary. I like seeing much older and wiser people telling me what they've discovered after spending lifetimes searching out God. Most recently, I read Andrew Murray's, "O Wretched Man That I Am!".

Here's a little excerpt from Andrew Murray:
"I want to bring this to a point. Remember, dear friend, what we need is to come to decision and action. There are in Scripture two very different sorts of Christians. The Bible speaks in Romans, Corinthians and Galatians about yielding to the flesh; and that is the life of tens of thousands of believers. All their lack of joy in the Holy Ghost, and their lack of the liberty He gives, is just owing to the flesh. The Spirit is within them, but the flesh rules the life. To be led by the Spirit of God is what they need. Would God that I could make every child of His realize what it means that the everlasting God has given His dear Son, Christ Jesus, to watch over you every day, and that what you have to do is to trust; and that the work of the Holy Spirit is to enable you. every moment to remember Jesus, and to trust Him! The Spirit has come to keep the link with Him unbroken every moment. Praise God for the Holy Ghost! We are so accustomed to think of the Holy Spirit as a luxury, for special times, or for special ministers and men. But the Holy Spirit is necessary for every believer, every moment of the day. Praise God you have Him, and that He gives you the full experience of the deliverance in Christ, as He makes you free from the power of sin."

5683

2008-12-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, that you should be prince over my people Israel. And I have been with you wherever you went and have cut off all your enemies from before you. And I will make for you a great name, like the name of the great ones of the earth. And I will appoint a place for my people Israel and will plant them, so that they may dwell in their own place and be disturbed no more. And violent men shall afflict them no more, as formerly... And I will give you rest from all your enemies. Moreover, the LORD declares to you that the LORD will make you a house. When your days are fulfilled and you lie down with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring after you, who shall come from your body, and I will establish his kingdom... my steadfast love will not depart from him... And your house and your kingdom shall be sure forever before me. Your throne shall be established forever." 2 Samuel 7:8-16

Calm down....Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed....instead
Of running around....And pulling all your threads....and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own....Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own.....Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on....Help is on the way
Stay strong....I'm doing everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

Simply put, Jesus has taken you from the flock of wandering sheep. Cut off all that strives to hold you back. God promised to fulfill all of you to the utmost.

And so love,

"Go, do all that is in your heart, for the LORD is with you." 2 Samuel 7:3

The Blind Beggar.

2008-12-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

"Then they came to Jericho. And as He was leaving Jericho with His disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, a son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, saying, Jesus, Son of David, have pity and mercy on me [now]! And many severely censured and reproved him, telling him to keep still, but he kept on shouting out all the more, You Son of David, have pity and mercy on me [now] And Jesus stopped and said, Call him. And they called the blind man, telling him, Take courage! Get up! He is calling you. And throwing off his outer garment, he leaped up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, What do you want Me to do for you? And the blind man said to Him, Master, let me receive my sight. And Jesus said to him, Go your way; your faith has healed you. And at once he received his sight and accompanied Jesus on the road." Mark 10:46-52

The blind beggar shouted for Jesus and made himself known.

He shouted even after everyone told him to be quiet, and louder even.

He screamed for mercy.

And Jesus stopped. He had stopped the very feet of Jesus from passing him.

Jesus called him. "Take courage! Get up!"

Jesus asked him what he wanted and he asked for his sight.

By the blind beggar's faith, Jesus gave him what he'd asked for.

It seems like A + B = C here. It doesn't, A + B rarely = C with God. But at least there's some sort coherence.

Not the best Kenz... But I'm still rockin' the photo scene!

2008-11-15T17:35:00.001-08:00

Love you.

To Answer Lew's Question....

2008-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that I'm in school online. Well, for those of you that didn't. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle, right? So what of the other half? My teacher asked me to create a blog for an assignment (it's a computer class), watch a you tube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMcfrLYDm2U) and respond to the following question:

Given the fact that technology information doubles every 2 years, half the information you learn in year 1 of college is outdated by year 3, China and India have huge populations that will need to be employed and that you are training for jobs that don't yet exist,
"What are the traits that you will need to succeed in this world? What will be important for you to know how to do? How can college better prepare you for this new reality?"

So! That is what I'm going to do... only I already have the blog and I've already seen the video... So! On to answering the question:

The traits that I will need to succeed in this world do not depend on technology. They do not depend on whether or not I give money to a fund that supplies laptops to children in impoverished countries. They do not depend on whether or not I gain a degree in a field of my particular interest. You see, there really isn't a preparation for my future in education.... that video even proved it by stating the fact that the education that I received for that degree will be outdated by the time I finish the degree and get a job. It will be nothing but a credential behind a name. The reality of it all, is that the traits that I need to succeed in this world have already been given to me. I have Jesus Christ living inside of me. He is all I need. He is the words of comfort that I will speak to the grandmother who has lost her daughter to addiction again and gained a two beautiful grandsons. He is my financial counselor telling me where to invest my money in and how tithing will bless me. He is my degree. He is my success. He is the answer to the educational gap.

And what of the child who will live in poverty but have access to a computer? And in turn have access to pornography and myspace, to predators and growing up too soon? Do you think that his parents are really there to monitor those things? Dying of aids? Indulge and waste his time playing computer games and messing around in chatrooms! I'm sorry, but what the heck? When did that become a solution? That child needs love and food and shelter. He needs shoes and affection and a place to call home. I GUARANTEE that child needs more than a laptop. That child needs hope.

Because in the end. It will not matter that he didn't know how to make an excel spreadsheet or know about Charles Dickens or how to write a research proposal. It will not matter whether or not he knew that myspace was the eighth largest "country" in the world. It will not matter if he have a degree or if he can send an email.

But I know what will matter.

The condition of my heart will matter. Did I love God? Did I in turn love people? Did I spend hours taking care of the widowed and orphaned or did I spend hours on facebook and gmail? Did I offer them hope? Or did I offer them a band aid for a bullet wound?

That's not to say that you can just say screw it and live under a rock and never grow or change with the times. But! It's just not the end all. And it surely is not the solution.

sushi and job changes

2008-10-24T21:57:00.001-07:00

I've grateful.... 60% of the time..... (crap)...
Those statistics are on a constant increase too people, keep in checking back for new numbers.
In an effort to increase them in front of your very eyes I have enclosed some recents.

Recent number one:
I got a job! ok... I had a job. But I took the job because I was scared that I wouldn't get another one, and that I would run out of money.... and that God wouldn't provide.... Well He surely showed me, in the very cool, very wonderful way that He would. I now am employed with the Portland Rescue Mission and have since quit the my other previous job in Portland. For any of you who know my heart for broken families and orphaned kids, you know this is just such a wonderful opportunity. And the greatest part. I didn't do a thing. They called me, I had submitted a volunteer application and they asked for an interview. And then they asked me for a second interview. AND THEN, they asked me to come on staff with them. I don't know all the details, but as soon as I do, I will give a full report. I'm excited though. They are on a pioneering stage in development and I get to be a part of it! The possibilities are endless. I'm in love. Here's the website, check it out. I'm grateful for a kick-A job and what Jesus is going to do through it.

http://www.portlandrescuemission.org/women-and-children/children/

Recent number two: I've been blessed with some wonderful friends up here! The other night I snagged a few we decided to venture out into the Pearl District and mow chow on some sushi. At one of the best sushi places I've ever been to! And so affordable!!!! I'm grateful for genuine people and SushiLand. Recent number four:
Round two on the nose piercing! I'm happy to say it hurt just as bad the second time and is not infected at all. I'm grateful for the government paying me to go to school/paying for me to get my nose pierced/paying for me to see Coldplay in concert in November.

A Random List.

2008-10-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

1. My thoughts on the Bikers of Portland: Who do you think you are? I mean seriously. You are confused almost all of the time. The thoughts that run through your mind follow as such, "Am I car? Am I a bike? Am I a 28 year old single male that chooses to wear furry leggings and own a green bike? Am I an older slightly overweight woman wearing spandex because that is what my trainer said I should do to avoid chaffing?" Your decisions are as follows: deciding not to signal when turning into oncoming traffic, weaving recklessly with your little biking buddy on a 35mph road and then yelling at my car because you can't control you've forgotten that my vehicle will actually kill you and your vehicle will slightly dent mine-just bringing the value down.

2. Some random comments from my British Literature class that have been quite pleasantly deposited into my brain:

From Wuthering Heights, a morbid love story from 1847:
"Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! you said I killed you-haunt me then! The murdered do haunt their murderer. I believe-I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always-take any form-drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

From the Narratives of Olaudah Equiano, a converted christian in the slave trade:
"I have often seen my master employed in reading; and I had great curiousity to talk to the books, as I thought they did; and so to learn how all things had a beginning. For that purpose I have often taken up a book and talked to it, and then put my ears to it, when alone, in hopes it would answer me; and I have been very much concerned when I found it remaining silent."

3.I'm in this book study on Wednesday nights at Solid Rock. We're reading Tozer's, Pursuit of God. And I have to text google like every other page because he uses words that I don't understand. And because I think it's fun to learn new words and not use the same ones that have been stored time after time, I'm going to share some of them with you. You don't have to thank me, I'm just doing my part to make the world a more intelligent sounding place. (I mean, it just feels like, in the midst of...)..... ok so I didn't bring the book to the coffee shop, so nevermind. Enrich yourself on your own time.

4. IT HAPPENED. In the seven years that I've been doing childcare I've seen a lot of little kids fall and get bumps, cuts and the occasional bite. But I've never had an emergency situation. Until Thursday evening. When a little tyke decided to run in the classroom (even though I've told him at least a hundred times not to), promptly trip over his own toddler feet and bouncing headlong into the corner of a cabinet, splitting his forehead open to the bone and getting a sweet harry potter scar that was sewn together with four stitches. Poor little guy. He made it through though!! With flying colors, no concussion and was at school the next day. Here's the battle wound, Cause I'm sure you all want to see.

If you're wondering why his jacket is on backwards, it's cause he won't ever leave it on and zipped up. So I put it on backwards. You really learn to pick your battles with two-year olds. AND don't mistake my love for this little one, he's my favorite in the class. I'm going to miss him so so so much.

dumb bumper stickers.

2008-10-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

In my life I have seen some very ridiculous bumper stickers. Here are some of the many. I know you have some in mind. Please share.

1. "My dog shops at Nature's Pet". Ok I realize at first, this doesn't seem that dumb. However, I was behind this person the other day and was thinking to myself, No ma'am. your dog, does not shop at Nature's Pet. YOU shop at Nature's Pet. A dog is not capable of making it's own decisions on what to buy to keep him "natural", let alone is he able to handle money. BUT, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and let's just for a second, pretend that he does shop at this store for his dietary needs. I guarantee that your bumper sticker would not say, "My dog shops at Nature's Pet". It would say something like, "My dog is a prodigy and I'm making millions off his budgeting skills." And it would probably be lined with diamonds or something, and you would most certainly not be driving a mini-van. I'm just saying, your dog.... doesn't shop there lady, you do.

2. This one is most certainly not funny. It's quite sad and I feel like gives our culture such a terrible reputation. It makes us look so disrespectful and careless with life. Anyway, it said, "Just say no to sex with pro-lifers." There are so many things wrong with that statement. I can't even begin to dissect it. I'm not going to try either.

well, I mean, I should probably blog.

2008-09-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's kind of been a while since I last blogged and I figured it was probably time. However, I'm not so much in the "blogging" mood. SO! It'll be short and semi-sweet for those of you who enjoy that kinda thing.

RECENTS:
I got a job. I work at a Preschool in Sherwood (West Portland), with eight snot-nosed, but precious 18-month olds. Upon my first day at work, I wept in my car because I hated it.... It wasn't what I pictured as my job in Portland at all. In fact, nothing has looked how I thought it would. All of the plans that I made before I came up here, fell through. Which isn't a bad thing. It just means that it's not what God had purposed for me. I'm starting to like my job, I work with some real sweet girls and hopefully I will someday come to really enjoy it. If not... then I probably won't continue there, because I am a firm believer that you should enjoy where you spend most of your time.

I found a roomate. I think. We're looking for apartments right now and actually a third roomate because rent in West Portland is very expensive. So! We'll see how that goes. It's weird though. I've only ever lived with my best friends since I was 16. This is a change and honestly, I don't really like it. But if I'm learning anything right now, it's that this is a season of having to do a lot of things that I don't want to, or wouldn't normally do.

I'm stoked on what God is doing inside of me right now. And I'm trying my best to not rush through the process of Him building my character and bringing me closer to Him. I'm trying not to want things that I don't have and be content with what I do have. I'm trying my best to consistently run to Him and not try and build a life here without Him. Without solid relationships close by, I have to examine my heart and motives on a regular basis because turns out... when you have distractions, you don't really have to examine all that often. You can forget about most things and just live with God as a side-dish, until seemingly dramatic events occur in your life and your forced to turn and figure life out. It's a mediocre life at its very best, but yet, I found it doable for quite some time. NOW, however, that is not the case. I only have God. Even when I'm with a group, or a new friend, or at work, or church, I'm still alone. I go home alone and it is... well, lonely. But I do have to say, that I am 100% sure that God would have me in no other place. And honestly, there is no other place I would rather be. I can't explain it. Last night in Worship and the entire time that John Mark was speaking, my heart was screaming. I was able to engage and listen and praise the Lord, but the entire time, my heart was screaming, "GOD! GOD! LOOK UPON ME! HERE I AM! COME HERE!" It was desparation at its very finest. And in that moment I understood the scripture that says, "My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh cry out for the living God." Psalm 84:2
God was beyond incredible in all His goodness, but, I was still lonely. I'm beginning to understand that is just a part of life. Adam was lonely, and then he got Eve. God is incredible at providing support when we're in that spot... but still, there are times, when we just get to be there. So! what do we do inside of it all? I do random things, like I listen to comfort. Like Death Cab and Phil Wickham and Coldplay, not really because of the lyrics, but because of the comforting memories that accompany them.

Shoot. Sorry guys, I thought it'd be short. Blogging sometimes just overtakes me. It helps me sort out my thoughts.

New Friends and New Beach Adventures!

Meet Megan. She works at a kick-a nice hotel downtown portland and lives above coffee house northwest with a rockin' roomate, Ashley! They are both wonderful and I'm excited to get to know them!

rooftop bar in Mcminfield. (mcminnevillet, it's a silent T. I never know how to spell it)

Janna Meyen is now Janna Weatherby! Here are the bridesmaids shoes of choice!

The lovely couple. plus tara. I forgot my camera, so the pictures are compliments of tara's camera!

Some decisions I've made:

2008-08-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

"ARISE [from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you--rise to a new life]! Shine (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!" Isaiah 60:1

I'm in Love with a City....

2008-08-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

Just so you know. Good things happen here. I am in love with Portland. Contrary to the post that I wrote about an hour ago. I do love her. I love her streets and her buildings and her concerts and her cemeteries and her lights and her food and her coffee shops and her people and her churches and her.
I'm in Love with a City....

Rockin' concert at the Doug Fir. That's Sondre Lerche and his opening act Slyvie. He was one of the funniest and talented musicians I've heard in a long time. Way to go Joann for finding that little piece of gold!!

Another Joann discovery... Movies in the park! They really tried to get Harry Potter on that screen. But the wind was just not havin' it. So! Onto the next event! Which happened to be shuffleboard... Only I don't have any pictures. However, it was super fun and Ryan was a great teacher!

Ok. So. You may think it weird. But I spend time in Cemeteries. And ok. It may be weird that I do, at times, enjoy the dead over the living. The quietness of things over the noise of the city. But, this is one of the only places that I can go, that doesn't distract me from the Presence of Jesus and well, has free parking. It's also a very fun place to photograph.

And I leave you. With the Butt Tree...

The reality of it is, sometimes, things are just hard.

2008-08-30T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's been two weeks since I drove out of Bend and moved forward. I gave up my position there. It was painful and continues to be. I'd lived there all my life. I went to daycare, preschool, elementary, middle and high school there. I had all my firsts there. I had roots. And the thing is, all those roots are still there. The trees that I used to climb, the I house I slept in for thirteen years, the Church I gave my life to Jesus in, all the babies I took care of and loved as my own... all my roots, are there. And now, I'm rootless. Torn from and exposed, like a painful chipped tooth, where the nerve is showing and even the simplest endeavors, like drinking my morning coffee are different now. And to tell you the complete truth, it is a very painful thing.

Tangent (I can do that, cause it's my blog): A miracle in itself (Lindsay can attest to that), I never used to cry, I mean, I physically couldn't cry. I remember one night in my car out in front of my host families house and I was so upset that I turned up my music supair loud and screamed for an extended amount of time, because I couldn't cry.

But.... God did some serious work in that area in the past few years, cause I can cry a freaking river nowadays. I don't even try and stop myself, it just happens.

The flashbulbs go off often and I'm reminded of wonderful moments that make me cry.

Like warm evenings involving: refreshing beverages, hammocks, arrested development and deleting people from cellphones... bike rides down to get frozen yogurt with Katie and learning that you shouldn't wear short skirts while riding bikes, cause you give people a show.... Watching the sun peak its glorious self over the butte with Jessie morning after morning.... Sleeping over at Kristin's old house, and watching ALIAS until three am.... when Kenz would get off work late and come wake me up to talk and laugh about silly things....Tara's routine :).... Lindsay's voice... dahhh!! I miss hearing her sing and play the devil's advocate.... playing nintendo with Jandra.... eating pizza with Amy... Riding the Harley with my dad...

I talk to my friends on the phone and their voices and condolences make me weep (I hold the phone away from my face... so most of the time they can't hear :). Funny how you don't remember the hard times so much, when you look back. I don't remember the fights so much. And there were some good ones :).

I'm not in a bad place. I'm not lost. But I don't want to end this with some happy reassuring thought from my head. Sometimes, I just want to be raw and open and unapologetically sad. Being sad isn't a bad thing. I don't plan on staying in a this state. But I don't plan on sugar-coating my life either. Because the reality of it is, sometimes, things are just hard. That doesn't mean that I think that the goodness of God changes towards me, or that my life is terrible, or silly thoughts like that. It just means what it means. Deep, I know.

I know how I like my eggs. But still, that's not the point.

2008-08-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

You've seen that movie. Well at least if you're a girl in your twenties you've seen it. Runaway Bride? The one where Julia Roberts attempts to marry several different guys. The premise is that she's always conforming to their personalities and knows very little about herself or what she really wants out of life. And then, in the end, the realization hits her in egg form--she has no idea how she likes her eggs. In any of the given relationships, she'd always make breakfast how they liked it and never thought that she could possibly venture to make it how she liked.

My thought here is, I'm somewhat similar to her.

I know how I like my eggs. But still, that's not the point.

I just bought my first hair dryer. I know, I know, it's weird. But up until I lived with Kristin, Lindsay and Joann, I had never used a blow dryer on my hair. Up until I lived with Lindsay, I never ratted my hair, or used hairspray. Up until Kristin, I didn't wear mascara. I didn't know the best way to get mascara off from under your eyes was to use spit and a q-tip. Up until Kenz, I didn't wear make-up everyday or use bronzer. I've always somewhat conformed to my surroundings. I easily adapt to my enviroment, but it's not always been a good thing. Because instead of finding my likes and personality, I found the likes and personalities of other people. Part of that is normal, people introduce certain things into your life and you have opinions as to whether you'll take it as your own or leave it.

But now, I'm ready to have my own life, separate from my friends. I'm ready to live on my own. I haven't really ever. I went from family, to serious relationship, to really solid and concentrated friendships. It's time to be alone and let Jesus be it all.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. I adore my friends. I truly have such incredible friends. They love me so much and show it very openly. I love how much they have introduced me to new things. Because of them I know that I love using a blow dryer, wearing high heels and mascara. And I like the way my hair is when Lindsay rats it.

But... I am ready to know that I like things because I actually like them, not because other people do.

I'm ready to make new friends and tell them how I like my eggs. Which is over-easy, cooked in a hole in the middle of a piece of toast... and maybe some bacon on top. I like bacon.

the last week.

2008-08-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

It's my last week. And moving is surprisingly real just now. All summer it's been this ethereal thing that was just talked about. And now. It's here. It's exciting and sad and adventurous and makes me slightly sick, the kind of sick that you'd get right before going on a roller coaster, just nervous in your chest because you know it's going to be a wild ride and so much fun, but at times super scary.

So if you have any last words for me, don't worry about trying to track me down, I'll be back like 50 times before the end of the year. Okay, maybe not 50, but 3ish. Or if you really do wanna see me before I leave, give me a call. I'm leaving town Monday the 18th in the morning. And just so you know, all of you, thanks so much for being a great part of my life. I really do have a deep affection for the people in my life. I realize that the whole blog farewell is a kind of a cop out. But it really is true, I've had an incredible time here and I'll back some day. At least I think I will.

So much love.

brace yourself, this is a long one.

2008-08-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

no title.

Luke 15:1-10 “Now the tax collectors and "sinners" were all gathering around to hear him. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them."Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. "Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Without, as Jessica says, “demonizing” humanity, I looked at the above verse and wondered how much I identified with what Strong's concordance definition of sinner. The two that stood out were, devoted to sin and not free from sin. There are areas of my life that I devote myself to. They are not righteous areas and if Jesus were to ask me to give them up, which He has, I would have a difficult time doing so. I am not free from them. They are areas that we all struggle in, faithlessness, wrong priorities, not putting God first, using Christianity as a side dish. They're sins that start out so little, and after a time of overlooking become a way of life. A day of not communicating with God turns into two, and then a week and then a month. And the saying that you've heard from Tryon Edwards at Church a million times becomes true: “Thoughts lead on to purpose, purpose leads on to actions, actions form habits, habits decide character, and character fixes our destiny”. And you let your destiny get robbed from you. And I'm not talking about the great job, husband or ministry, I'm talking about the destiny that you've been specifically purposed for, and that is, a whole-hearted devotional relationship with Jesus.

James 1:13-18 “... but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

And your desires, however mild mannered they may be, if allowed to progress into an unhealthy distraction, will produce death inside of your relationship with God.

Looking: definition:

Strong's Concordance: 872

1. to turn the eyes away from other things and fix them on something

Hebrews 12:2 “Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

What distracts you from Jesus? What makes you think that the tangibles of the world will suffice for your desires that only God can fulfill. Mekenzie read me a quote from the book Soul Cravings a long time ago, that has stuck with me, “It is insanity to run from God searching for love.” And you can really place whatever you want into the word love. “It is insanity to run from God searching for ______.” Fill in the blank.

1 Corinthians 8:5-6 “For although there may be so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth, as indeed there are many of them, both of gods and of lords and masters, Yet for us there is [only] one God, the Father, Who is the Source of all things and for Whom we [have life], and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through and by Whom are all things and through and by Whom we [ourselves exist].”

And also,

2 Corinthians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement).”

It is insanity to run from the Source of all things, in order to find them. So why do we run? I run because the tangible is easier to obtain, my reward is present and at my fingertips and I don't have to work for it. My easy-mac Christianity is totally disgusting and counterfeit and yet filling in the same moment. And when you are full and you discover that your diet is suffering because you've been ingesting processed cheese for weeks, and you begin to feel unhealthy. . . you come back. You come back because you know Truth and you know that He'll be waiting.

Prodigal-One Republic

We say good-bye, I turn my back, Run away, run away, So predictable.
Not far from here, You see me crack, Like a bone, like a bone, I'm so breakable.

And I take everything from you, But you'll take anything, Won't you?
Run away, run away, Like a prodigal, Don't you wait for me.
So ashamed, so ashamed, But I need you so, And you wait for me.
I'm on the road, To who knows where, Look ahead, not behind, I keep saying.
There's no place to go, Where you're not there, On your rope, I hold tight, But it's fraying.
And I'll take everything from you, But you'll take anything, Won't you?

Luke 15:11-24 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.”

The father did not begin their reunion with questioning, “Why have you come back? What were you thinking? What were you doing out there without me, without my guidance? Are you staying for good? Will you go back after you get bored again? What sins did you commit, were they horrific, were they small?” He asked none of those questions. He was filled with compassion. God is not waiting to berate you and condemn you for being gone or for the level of your sins. He is waiting to be gracious to you, he longs, expects and looks to be gracious to you, to have unmerited favor towards you. So push through the awkward frustrating moments of reconciliation, don't waste any more time.

Isaiah 30:18-21 “And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]! O people who dwell in Zion at Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher. And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.”

And will it not benefit you to dwell on your past. God doesn't. So move on. Don't waste your moments of compassionate reconciliation on whining about your mistakes. God doesn't and if you are conforming yourself to Jesus, then you shouldn't either.

Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”

"Arithmetic" Brook Fraser

I've been counting up all my wrongs, One sorry for each star

See I'd apologize my way to you, If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I won't find what I am looking for, If I only "see" by keeping score.
'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic

'Cos if I add, if I subtract, If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact

That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want

Psalms 84:8-12 “Hear my prayer, O Lord God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.”

I will posses your heart- Death Cab for Cutie

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read - just yet
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart (x2)

There are days when outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time--love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find--love, I will possess your heart(x2)

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

a date with my pa.

2008-07-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

We began the night with a ride on the Harley, a trip to Sonic and then off to see Snow White... Or so I thought...We ended up seeing Menopause, The Musical. Which is quite different from Snow White, but it turned out to be HILARIOUS! Obviously some awkward moments... seeing as I was sitting next to my dad, one of the five guys that showed up and was lost in the sea of 50 year old women. But he took it like a champ, making stupid jokes and putting pretzels in his eye like an eye patch. I love him.

oh ze' photos. I love them.

2008-07-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

you can feel the water in this one.

I don't really like this picture. But I put it on here anyway.those freaking rays are awesome!!

ze' boat crew.

. . . . .

2008-07-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Do you live in Tulsa, Oklahoma? If so... tell me who you are.

the end of some lovely times

2008-07-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

The wonderful hours spent in the car. About 20 to be exact. They included many a dance party, crazy freak out moment and wonderful wholesome family sing-a-longs. Ok... the last one didn't really happen. Here's some random pictures: Top Left: Katers and me at the beach. Top Right: I wouldn't smile because there was an herb stuck in my tooth. Bottom Left: Bob Dogs/Blue Dogs Pizza joint. mmm. Bottom Right: Mini-golf pros.

Getting ready for a crasey evening at MontBleu. Need I say more?

More mini-golfing. The top right and bottom left are pictures of when Katie and Lindsay excersied their hocky skills and kicked that ball right out of the green! HAHA!

I'm home and moving in a couple weeks!!! Looking for a job in Portland and getting nervous excited to start new roots!

Yum.

2008-07-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

South Lake Tahoe. Camp Richardson. Yum. The Beacon. Watering hole right on the beach. Yum.

Me being artsy. Yum.

Lovely memories. Yum.

How beautiful is this? Freaking Yum.

God raises the dead.

2008-07-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

Standing on trial for believing in the promise that God made to Abraham. Being judged because you think that God is able to raise the dead. Being considered a criminal for holding onto the hope that God has become our salvation.

“Behold, God, my salvation! I will trust and not be afraid, for the Lord God is my Strength and Song; yes He has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

The promise that was made to us, is and has been fulfilled right before our own eyes and yet we still ask, doubt, are unbelieving and without trust in the fact that God is able to raise the dead.

God raises the dead. GOD RAISES THE DEAD. God takes the lifeless, the ones that have breathed their last breath, the ones who have departed from their faith, who are encompassed and taken by sin and arouses them from sleep, recalls and causes them to be alive again.

The ability to believe that God is able to raise the dead is rooted in faith. Abraham considered that God was able to do so and because of that history continued to be written, God's plan continued to unfold, and we stand where we are now because it pleased God to bring us here. Faith is pleasing to God, necessary for relationship and raises the dead.

Why? Why should you think it incredible for God to raise the broken relationship? Why should you think it incredible you to take full participation in the love and hands of God? Why should you think it incredible that you are able to live in unity? Why should you think it incredible for God to move mountains and speak volumes and love you beyond yourself? Why should you think it incredible for miracles to happen? Honestly, why do you feel that way?

NIV Why should any of you consider it incredible that God raises the dead?

KJV Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead?

MSG For the life of me, I can't see why it's a criminal offense to believe that God raises the dead.

AMP Why is it thought incredible by any of you that God raises the dead?

INCREDIBLE: Definition

unfaithful, faithless, (not to be trusted, perfidious)
incredible
1. of things
unbelieving, incredulous
1. without trust (in God)

RAISE: Definition

to arouse, cause to rise
1. to arouse from sleep, to awake
2. to arouse from the sleep of death, to recall the dead to life
3. to cause to rise from a seat or bed etc.
4. to raise up, produce, cause to appear
  1. to cause to appear, bring before the public
  2. to raise up, stir up, against one
  3. to raise up i.e. cause to be born
  4. of buildings, to raise up, construct, erect

DEAD: Definition

properly
1. one that has breathed his last, lifeless
2. deceased, departed, one whose soul is in heaven or hell
3. destitute of life, without life, inanimate
metaph.
1. spiritually dead
  1. destitute of a life that recognizes and is devoted to God, because given up to trespasses and sins
  2. inactive as respects doing right
2. destitute of force or power, inactive, inoperative

God is able to raise the dead. Well He is. And He has become our salvation right before our own eyes. Will you not recognize it? Do you not see?

where I've been and where I will continue to be until Friday.

2008-07-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Mekenzie Beth Stearns has a freaking rad family that loves to bless people and has done so by letting us come along on their family vacation to the beautiful Tahoe! That's where I've been. And it has been truly glorious! Here are some starter pictures of the adventures. Beautiful Beautiful Sunsets. The smoke makes them phenomenal.

Winning some mad mini-golf tournaments!! That's right, Katie and I dominated. 55 baby! 55!

Some mornings, okay well just one so far, we've experienced the regular sightings of a brown bear family. But they were so cute and if you'll look closely you'll see one little cub has his tongue sticking out! aw...

Mini golf madness!!

This is my life for about four hours out of every day and it is truly one of the most wonderful experiences I've ever partaken in.

Love you all!! see you this weekend!!

a photo. some photos.

2008-07-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

still experimenting.

This was a photo for one of my classes. I didn't end up using it, but the concept was death and life.

I darkened the shadows on this photo way too much, but I really like how it brought the blues out.

In The Seventh Month on The Fourth Day.

2008-07-07T14:24:00.001-07:00

We traveled. And it was good. And on the first stop, of the second hour. We ate. And it was good. With two bagels, one and half avocado, cream cheese, spinach and a spoon (we forgot the knife...and I tell you what, spreading cream cheese and cutting avocado without a knife is difficult work!) we created what the French would call, Supair Bagel. It's a super Bagel.

After Church Friday night, we went down to the OH-SO crowded Portland waterfront to enjoy the monster of a firework show. It was needless to say, phenomenal. Honestly. I have never seen such intense crazy awesome fireworks. If I'm in the country next year by that time I plan on getting there booty early and sitting right on the edge so I can see them reflect off the water.

I realize that they are not very good pictures, but you should have some visual I feel.

And another....

End of a lovely night, waiting for all the traffic to clear.

I love my soon-to-be home!!

Ze' Camera 'as returned....

2008-07-07T13:59:00.001-07:00

Celebrate!!

It was Kristin's mom's 50th birthday the other weekend! So naturally, we were going to celebrate! 50 years.... I'm almost half that. Life is going supa' fast. Here's some moments from the day!I don't know if there was actually 50 balloons... but it felt like it, because we had to tie them all to chairs and then untie them cause the wind was giving them some serious grief. So we untied all of them and repositioned. We're so awesome.

So awesome that it deserved a nap in the sun. Resting under the Word, while Kristin reads about the terrors of palygomy and Luke just tries to not get burnt.

After our grueling balloon and appetizer set-up, another nap was in store. Only we took the blanket inside to rest in the shade and take silly pictures. I love this family of mine!!!

The One

2008-06-30T10:45:00.001-07:00

Everybody has at lease one of these. A melancholy blog post that is.
And here's mine, it might not seem like it at first, but trust me it is:
There are so many things to see in this world. So much to reach, so much of God to discover and love. There are so many people to know and find and love and be loved by them and to enjoy life with and the occasional pressing moment with. There is so much to be thankful for and so many realizations of how much you actually have and those realizations will more often than not lead you to understand that there so many people are living in serious unbearable lack and that leaves you in a whole other state of gratitude. But sometimes I just wonder if I'd be happier in the lack. I remember when I went to the Ukraine for missions and saw the desperation of the people there. Where they really just had nothing, and because of that, they were so grateful that they had God. I would so much rather be grateful that I have God, than be grateful that God has blessed me with some cool things in life.
I was on the boat with some great friends this weekend out at Billy Chinook, and from underneath a towel (I was under it, because I didn't want to get fried), I peaked out and in the glorious warm weather and company I was just so blessed. Blessed to be with awesome people that I love, blessed that it was such great weather, blessed to be in the glory of God's creation, laughing and enjoying life. But I wondered in that moment, why me? Why did I get to live in the top percent of the financial world, why did I get to live in the top percent of the relational world, why did I even get saved get to live in the presence of God? It just doesn't make sense sometimes. I just don't deserve it. I'm not super awesome. I screw up quite frequently and let people down and it's quite disappointing. and then my question becomes... well, do I live in the place of my own mistakes, live with the consequences of my actions and just accept living in the place of pressure because that's where I put myself?

"Then turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, Do you see this woman? When I came into your house, you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.You gave Me no kiss, but she from the moment I came in has not ceased [intermittently] to kiss My feet tenderly and caressingly. You did not anoint My head with [cheap, ordinary] oil, but she has anointed My feet with [costly, rare] perfume. Therefore I tell you, her sins, many [as they are], are forgiven her--because she has loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little. And He said to her, Your sins are forgiven! Then those who were at table with Him began to say among themselves, Who is this Who even forgives sins? But Jesus said to the woman, Your faith has saved you; go (enter) into peace [in freedom from all the distresses that are experienced as the result of sin]." Luke 7 :44-50

I normally would prefer to live in the place of my mistakes, just take it and live in the consequences. But that's just not Jesus' heart. I love where He says, go. enter into peace. enter into the freedom from all the distresses that are experienced as the result of sin.

I want to love like she loved, I want to love Jesus like she loved Him. I want the grace to be able to love Him like that. I don't want her relationship with Jesus, I want my own. But this woman's life puts me into the right perspective and reminds me what it's like to be living in the Presence of God. Not in the presence of all the cool things that God has blessed me with. Not in the weighted presence of my own consequences. I don't live in the lack that over 90% of the world lives in, but I still want God just as desperately as they do.

A Fine Piece of Literature

2008-06-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

So. I was at my Grandma's house this week, while I watched my very cute cousins. One of the nights Tara came to visit. We were laying in the living room watching a good ol' Harry Potter movie and looking through old photo albums of my childhood, when I stumbled across a story I'd written in 1993, I was 10? we'll say 10ish, give or take some years. And so I decided that there'd be no better way to start my next blog, than opening with this fine piece of literature. So here it is folks,

"The President Helps"

One Sunny day Frog went to Toad's house. Frog brought a chocolate a cake. The ate six pieces of cake. Frog said, “We have to stop eating this cake. as he ate another piece of cake.

Toad said, “We need will power!”

“You're right.” Frog said.

“I know.” said Toad, “We'll go to see the President.

So, They went and saw the President. They told Bill Clinton their problem. He said, “Put it in a box and wrap it up. Tie it up then put in on the highest shelf.”

“But President Clinton.” Frog said, “We can get a ladder and climb up to the highest shelf and untie it and unwrap it and take it out of the box and eat it.”

“That is true.” said Mr. President and he took a ladder and untied it and unwrapped it and took it out of the box and ate it!

“There, I solved your problem.” said President Clinton.

“I guess you did.” said Frog and Toad happily.

“Let's go to my house.” said Frog.

“You can. I'm going to my house to bake some cookies.” said Toad.

“Oh no! Here we go again!” said Frog. *

After reading this story out loud to Tara, I was laughing so hard. I mean why did I choose to write about Bill Clinton of all people??!! So I'm laughing to Tara about how funny it is, when she shares yet another piece of the story that I hadn't known... This was already a story... A Frog and Toad story.... Do you know them? The lovable little creatures that taught you how to read? Well I'd plagiarized their adventures. How sad. My college Professors would be ashamed. But I'm sure Bill Clinton would be overjoyed to know that he made a difference in the life of a child....

ha ha

(Sten? are you proud? Three blogs. No pictures. You should be.)

Secrets I've Discovered

2008-06-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

1. I want to travel. I want to start in New Zealand and continue anywhere. I plan on leaving in February or later (depending on how much money I can save by then) and don't plan on coming back until I run out of money. I want to ride trains while I travel and camp and see the glory of God's creation. I want to buy crazy jewelery and work in orphanages and meet drifters and spend days reading on blankets in some country that I don't speak the language. I want to sit in outside cafes and pubs with locals and have them tell me crazy stories about when they were young. I want to meet people with the name Ocklette. I'm thinking that they live in Sweden... but I'm not totally sure

2. I'm thinking about a move to Portland, mid-august. I was going to live with my grandma and might still for a little bit... but the plan thus far, is to rent a room from some nice portlander and school it up at PCC and then transfer to PSU. I'm going to be taking online classes while I travel too. That way I won't fall behind in school.

3. I have all these plans. And they could change, they could look completely different than what I want. God could flip them upside down and I could never make it to New Zealand or Portland or... Sweden (I don't really want to go there...). But the thing is, that's totally fine with me. I'm up for whatever. I'm young and have no ties anywhere and I want to see the world and meet new people. I want to GO! and enjoy life outside of Bend. Because there is life outside of Bend. There are other churches. There are other jobs. There are other apartments. There are other freaking coffee shops people.

4. I'm totally scared. But at the same time, completely excited. I want to live the verse that says, "Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself [disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests] and take up his cross and follow Me cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also]. For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life [his blessed life in the kingdom of God]? Or what would a man give as an exchange for his [blessed] life [in the kingdom of God]?" Matt. 16:24-26

I realize that the secrets above could very well be my own desires. But the thing is, I just feel that God is big enough and sovereign to come and direct my path. My heart is submitted to Him. I want His plan for my life. In little things I'm submitted, so that when it comes time to make bigger decisions, it's not this lofty unbearable weight. I've been walking alongside Jesus, He's not going to let me go astray. And if I fail, then I'll get back up. Sometimes we get to fail, sometimes God allows it. Failing keeps us humble and reminds us that we are solely dependent on God.

My Neighbors

2008-06-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

I feel to be a part of my life you should know my neighbors. Everyone has them, but nobody really talks to them. We all just exist and live twenty feet (or in my case, A foot) a apart, with our own separate spiderwebs of a life. ANYWAY. I would just like to introduce you to some of the few I've gotten to know, more or less, in the "hey how ya' doin' buddy?" kinda way.
1. Stands in the doorway, screen closed, in underpants talking on the phone, when he's not sunbathing in green shorts man.
2. Smokes pot on the back deck, fisherman from Alaska, living with his girlfriend and her kid, came over one night to tell me my dome light was on bearded guy. Proud owners of stalker cat, Lola, who has recently fallen victim to a motorized vehicle. R.I.P. Lola, R.I.P.
3. Sits on blue and white checkered-stained ghetto-70's couch with blond long-haired boyfriend, paints patio furniture, decorates old bottles, hangs christmas lights up outside, wine partier hippy rachel (I know her name, impressive), who borrows baking soda at 10pm.
4. Elephant tribal dancing neighbors that resemble smaller women, yet decide to often dance as if they were "literally" a herd of elephants traipsing to the sound of the African desert wildly between the hours of 2 and 4 am.
5. Totally hot hair dresser/equally hot guitar player neighbors, whom I often card my way into their apartment looking for a. limes for drinks b. milk for cookies c. dvd players... even though I grabbed the wrong one and messed up their movie watching abilities... oops :) sorry ladies.
6. parks in my spot new neighbor
7. tried to sell their bike to me the first time I met them neighbor
8. hot neighbor (has a girlfriend though)
9. smokes in the apartment but one hand out of the door, makes katie livid neighbor
10. proud owner of the giant cat named Kibbles neighbor

That's about all for now. There's more, but sadly... they're not that funny to write about.
Love you all!
Check it out, my first blog without pictures.... weird.
Also, tell me about your weird neighbors.. ooohhh!! this will be fun!!!

Friends. Boats. Coldness.

2008-05-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

Livin' the thug life.

Snack Time.

I wasn't actually pinching her... or pretending to. sometimes these things just happen.

First run of the season. Well done sir. Well done. Not really sure what the vision for this picture was... Again, sometimes these things just happen.

This one is basically just for kicks. Proof that Katie is a closet snuggler. Love you Katie!!!!

It's not all puppy dogs and roses folks

2008-05-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

Messy. Messy. Messy. Those are all clean clothes by the way. I just hadn't put them away for, oh... two weeks. Relax. I just did.

Dishes from birthday breakfast... three days it took me to get to them. I had to do them in shifts because our dish strainer only holds so much.

My history paper... oh the freaking bane of my existence. But I finally finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glory. And you'll all be happy to know that I didn't procrastinate nearly as bad as I usually do. I finished it four days before it was due. I know. You're jealous. Life in the mess.
I think that it's silly. MySpace, Facebook, Blogs and things of that nature for the most part only show your good side. The best picture, the best night, the best vacation, bla bla bla. Hey. I do it too.

So in an effort to bring some balance I've photographed the messy.

However since these choice photos. The clothes are put away. The dishes are done. The History paper conquered. And I get to enjoy my weekend with no obligations. GLORY.

Beach camping. Straight up.

2008-05-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

: Five people : One Volkswagen Golf : Five pillows, three sleeping bags, five blankets, a featherbed, an air mattress (pump included), four backpacks, three purses, one man bag, six bags of food, two gallons of water : and a whole lot of fun :

All piled on the table. In a seemingly unorganized matter.

Beautifully unfolding into home for the evening.

Giving beach modeling a new look.

The Carpenter Siblings looking ever so contemplative.

It was as cold as it looks. "Stay warm!" shouted the bum, who'd claimed the beach as his permanent dwelling. Bonfires, an art really. Mastered by BrandEn, was built ever so carefully and aflame in minutes warming our toes.

Chef Jesseecka. Menu for the evening. Clam chowder and rolls. Yum. Next time Jessie, I'll be more careful and not spill half a can, or drop an open one back into the fire. promise.

Coffee and s'mores. SCORE. Awakening several times to the ridiculously loud seagulls. I brushed off the racket by just assuming they were pumped to start a new day (most seagulls are, don't act surprised).
: I've got news for you :
Never brush off a loud clan of seagulls. NEVER.
Stepping out of our tent, I noticed the chocolate wrappers, cream cheese containers and bagels had been completely devoured. Not by your typical woodland animals, because as I stated the night before, "It's so nice to not have to store your food while your camping! You don't have to worry about little creatures eating all your goods."
So we were left with mildly dented "bird avocados" and "bird apples", which Jessie happily accepted and made into guacamole.

I agree with Katie

2008-05-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is the City of Manchester Stadium.
It seats 47,726.

This is a picture of just one person affected by the Earthquake that happened in China.
Death tolls have reached the 50,000 mark.
The amount of bodies wouldn't fit inside that massive stadium.
I'm not being melodramatic or dark and twisty.
But this is an opportunity people.
Some of the greatest miracles come out of the greatest pain.
We should be praying for those miracles for these people.

moments I'd like to share

2008-05-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post some of these just because they have been great memories in my book.Enjoy this while it lasts, because I'm positive the moment Kenz knows it's on here, she's going to make me take it off. But anyway.... Last Wednesday, Mekenzie decided to make the giant plunge into Westside's giant hot tub and wash her sins away, committing outwardly to follow Jesus and live her life under His shelter. Glorious decision and I'm so very proud of her. Her mom and sister came to visit for the day and partake in the lovely event, which was awesome, because they are awesome! And we celebrated with pizza and presents! YUM!!

Beautiful cousins. Arianna and Lucy. They're seven years old and the best little ballerinas on the face of the earth. Starring as the court princesses in the familiar childhood tale of Snow White. Interstingly enough, this tale included a jail-bait Snow White and a Prince Charming that was twice her age.... not really sure what to think about that.... but either way it was so fun to see family!

More BAPTISMS!! The wonderful ladies: number two (Sky) and number four (Brianne) have been awesome little runners to Jesus with me. I didn't know they were getting baptized tonight, so it was such a treat to get to pray in the back with them as they continue on their relationship with Jesus.

New Friends are totally hot right now! You can't really see her here but Erika and I rock the photography class together. She pays attention and then tells me what to do while I'm gmail chatting with Jessica. It's a wonderful relationship! Also, she's hilarious.

I'm totally into car-camping, tent-camping, camp-camping. And plan on doing a TON of all of those endeavors this summer. Interested in tagging along? The next adventure, Memorial Day weekend, involves a lake inside of Malheur cave in the middle of no-where, camping a few miles down the road at a Crane hot springs!! let me know!! It's going to rock. In the HC kind of way.

This is the only picture I have to really remember this moment. I spent a couple stolen moments with Jesus behind the building of the Phil Wickham concert, in this pretty little field.
The Phil Wickham Concert.
http://philwickham.com/blog/
My goodness. There really are no words to describe it. Jesus showed up. See for yourself.

some love from the lens as of late

2008-04-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to play you for a fool. I love taking pictures.
The hike to Glacier Erratic Rock. Big name, lame rock. But the hike up was pretty."shhhhh! you're going to scare him!"
"Jessica." dramatic pause. "I know how to act around bunnies."

The Drive to Linfield.
Where I saw the sun for the first time in weeks. I cried. I honestly cried at the sunset. I was just so overjoyed to finally feel and see the warmth that I knew was existed, but hadn't experienced in a very long time. It'll be interesting if God ever calls me to live in the rainy valley.

The Tracks in Portland. What. They're cool.

life's little surprises

2008-04-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

Surprises. Life is full of them. Some are totally awesome and some you encounter and you think to yourself, bagels (I.E. a most terrible, horrific experience).

This picture however, represents a totally awesome one. This Church is right outside my work. Everyday (ok some days, cause they don't change the sign all that often) I look to the marquis located on the corner of Harriman and Lafayette. And enjoy the wonderous little snipits of Truth they so proudly display.

More to come. Thank you United Pentecostal Church. You make me smile.

broken pottery

2008-04-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

“I am the Lord, and there is no one else; there is no God besides Me. I will gird and arm you, though you have not known Me, That men may know from the east and the rising of the sun and from the west and the setting of the sun that there is no God besides Me. I am the Lord, and no one else [is He]. I form the light and create darkness, I make peace [national well-being] and I create [physical] evil (calamity); I am the Lord, Who does all these things. Let fall in showers, you heavens, from above, and let the skies rain down righteousness [the pure, spiritual, heaven-born possibilities that have their foundation in the holy being of God]; let the earth open, and let them [skies and earth] sprout forth salvation, and let righteousness germinate and spring up [as plants do] together; I the Lord have created it. Woe to him who strives with his Maker!--a worthless piece of broken pottery among other pieces equally worthless [and yet presuming to strive with his Maker]! Shall the clay say to him who fashions it, What do you think you are making? or, Your work has no handles?Woe to him [who complains against his parents that they have begotten him] who says to a father, What are you begetting? or to a woman, With what are you in travail?” Isaiah 45:5-10

The fact the God strengthens me, even when I do not know Him. The times where I choose not to know Him. Not that I would take that as an excuse to forgo my relationship and live in the theory of grace. In that place of striving against God, no good comes and I wonder whether or not the only reason He has girded and armed me in a season of not looking for Him is for the simple fact that when I do choose to turn around and find Him, He's already given me the solidity to do so.

Not that I am so far from God. But in the midst of business and life, it's easy to let relationship with Him slip. Relationships take work. But it is more than worth it. MORE than worth it.

God is worth it.

I'd rather it be hard now that having the uncontrollable sadness of not knowing my Maker in the end. Living in even the slightest amount of opposition to God is hell.

Forced Picture Removal

2008-04-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm not going to say who....
But someone made me remove the picture of Lindsay and I from the play. And I did of course concede to their request.

But I wanted a picture of the two of us. So after looking in the archives, I decided to go old school. Pre-married Lindsay. Pre-college Nicolette. In the days where I had the time to paint my nails red. The days where we had the time to lay around for hours watching Grey's Anatomy, stay up until one in the morning playing Labyrinth and take random pictures of ourselves. The days of nose jewelery. Notice the Septum peircing and nose ring (pre-infection).

P.R.O.C.R.A.S.T.I.N.A.T.I.O.N.

2008-04-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

pro·cras·ti·nate

1.	to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)

2.	to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.

Now that you all know the definition declaring my state of life right now, I shall take advantage of it share with you some moments of "the epic adventure" as of late:

Lindsay and I went to go see the play Garden Politics, which was totally awesome!
My dad's sweetie pie, Rachel, was one of the hilarious characters in this romantic comedy.
The Plan is to begin a life full of plays. I enjoy them and Lindsay. A Wonderful combination. Also, Eric will obviously have to become part of the tradition as well. We can't leave the guy sitting at home on a friday night, pining for his wife!

A couple stolen snapshots of the play, right before the "lady" came over and told me to put my camera away otherwise she was going to quote on quote "Dropkick my A to the curb!" I know, you're thinking to yourself, no self-respecting play employee would ever do such a thing! I used to think the same thing people. It's a scary world out there.

But all and all, it was a wonderful evening. I even got a free Sprite out of the deal!

biblical friendships

2008-04-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

"Then Jonathan said to David, whatever you desire, I will do for you." 1 Samuel 20:4

God never spoke of Jonathan's position in David's life as too intense. God never asked Jonathan to withhold from David. Jonathan's heart (His feelings and thoughts), were always supportive to and constantly for David in every fashion of their relationship. And not only did his words reflect his heart, but his actions reflected his words.

"Bear fruits that are deserving and consistent with your repentance [that is, conduct worthy of a heart changed, a heart abhorring sin.] Luke 3:8

The word bear is in relation to a continual action. Fruits is just as it represents, the physical manifestation of the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Bear the right fruits in your relationships.

"But if you have bitter jealousy [envy] and contention [rivarly and selfish ambition] in your hearts, do not pride yourselves on it and thus be in defiance of and false to the Truth." James 3:14

Strong's Concordance: Bitter: as sharp or acrid, irritating or caustic. The definition of caustic is something capable of burning, corroding or destroying live flesh.
Dictionary definition: Envy: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Bitterness, Jealousy, Envy, Selfish Ambition, Rivarly, Positioning, Manipulation, Striving and Contention all produce a destroying (or caustic) discontentment in your life. They are causing you to live in conflict to God, and not only in conflict but also in "confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices." James 3:16 And being in a place of discontentment litteraly will destroy the life inside of you.

Do you first find all your needs, wants and portion in God?
Or are you discontent?
Look at the relationships that you are involved in if you are, and root out the caustic tendencies that kill them.
Are you bearing fruits consistent with repentance?
Do your words reflect the thoughts and intents of your heart? Do your actions reflect your heart?

Are you first loving God? Are you secondly loving your neighbor?

SCORE CITY, USA

2008-04-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

Welcome to SCORE CITY, USA. Every place you go here you'll think to yourself, score. Hence the name. Clever. I know. Today Jenna and I ventured to Dillon Falls, well we tried to venture to Benham Falls first. Only to find that the snow still existed. I know you thought I had given up the dream. However, it was stinkin' 73 degrees today!!! Glory.

The first beautiful stop. ugh. seriously. so wonderful. We sat here for a little bit not talking, but just listening to the raging "ness" of the river, I can't not think about the power of God when I'm sitting there and there's nothing else that I can hear, nothing else can really enter my mind, because I'm just in awe. I love it.
Jenna is more of an ocean girl. But she embraced my passion for the river and we continued on.

I'm not really sure what my thought process was here. I mean there for sure wasn't that much snow. But um, clearly....flip flops are probably not the smartest decision.

After the raging river, and the snow and the sneaky little side paths we came to the still "ness" of the hike, and God spoke. I was trying to explain to Jenna why I loved this place so much. And I couldn't really even put it into words. It was honestly just a deep passion, and I'm looking out and all I see is dead grass and trees with no leaves and everything for the most part is brown. But I know the potential that it has, I know that will be fruitful soon and even more beautiful soon.

And the thing is, I still love it just as much as when it's not.

And it was one of the most impacting moments ever, just remembering and understanding the deep affection that God has for me. It's just a passion that is unexplainable. I'm so freaking blessed.

the perfect way.

2008-04-08T20:37:00.001-07:00

It is April. I'm not sure if the weather is aware of this fact, because this morning I woke up and found the outside to slightly resemble Christmas.... and the thing is.... IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS. It is Spring. And this morning waking up to two inches of snow and a perpetual blizzard pouring... I gave up the dream. Honestly. I have given up the dream that summer is coming. So if it does come, it'll be a surprise and if it doesn't well, year-round winter, I embrace you.And here's a perfect way to end your day....
With a rockin' sunset. The corner of Mt. Washington and Perspective Dr.
The cool thing about embracing a year-round winter is what the snow clouds do to the sunset.
yum.
Had a nice talk with Tara while I watched the sunset.

And just in case you thought that I photoshopped the pictures above to have the mere "appearance" of snow. The video will prove you wrong. Starring: my voice, Libby May, Maris June and The Freaking Snow.

for the late risers, or out-of-towners :)

2008-04-05T12:59:00.001-07:00

"For I have said, Mercy and loving-kindness shall be built up forever; Your faithfulness will You establish in the very heavens [unchangeable and perpetual.]" Psalm 89:2

When I'm watching the sunrises and being filled with the silent calm of morning and remembering the verse above I realize that I am watching God establish His faithfulness to me. This is not a slight thing. I mean let that thought sink in. God draped His fingers across the skies this morning so the clouds fell just so and breathed light into them tinting them just right, creating a masterpiece.
God proved Himself faithful again this morning. As if He had to? As if I needed more evidence, as if anyone does. As if He needed to show me that He would still be there, consistent and steady. Faithfulness is one of the most attractive character traits to me. I serve an attractive God, the kind of attraction that draws you in. Faithfulness draws you in. Sunrises draw you in. I love them, I love the faithfulness of God.

Since Jessie made me take the picture of her and I off, I decided to put another one on, just for fun....
this was my attire the morning of this particular sunrise. I know what you're thinking, Why isn't this girl married yet? I mean any hotter and she just be too hot! I know folks, it's a question I ask myself daily...

welcome baby "?" williams! For Lorelei!

2008-04-03T19:32:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the world. 7lbs 6oz and 21" long. Born this morning at 5:54 to John and Leah.

No name yet, but they said they'd decide by tonight!! He's so beautiful, I mean really mostly babies at this stage in the game are really wrinkly or squished faced. But baby Williams is super cute and doesn't look like an old man. Mom and dad say that he has strawberry blond hair, but I didn't take the hat off cause he was wiggly. Uncle Dave didn't want to hold him at first, saying, "I'll hold him when he's bigger and more fun to play with." But baby was too cute and finally he gave in. Then assured the baby that'd he be the cool uncle that would buy him illegal fireworks and teach him how to do it safely.... we'll have to see how that all works out. He looks like a natural uncle though.

And here's proud papa John! He's so excited!! All prepared and not afraid at all! The only thing is he'll have to learn how to position lil' baby better for pictures later in life...cause um, John? you didn't quite get his face in the shot. But I tell you what that's the best baby forehead I've ever seen! Congratulations and welcome to this world!

the apartamento

2008-04-02T22:28:00.001-07:00

For the out-of-towners! This is where I should spend a lot of my time, and maybe I will when school is over.... but anyway here is our baby apartment.

Here's our pretty little dining room/study.
Here's our friend Tara's additions to the apartment:
The ever-so comfortable papa-san chair, everyone should have one!
And the classy mirror over the bookshelf.

Here's our friend Lindsay's addition to the apartment:
The beautiful chandelier above the futon came from her wedding.
We're still in the living room and now venturing down the tiny hall.

Here's Jessica's addition to our bathroom:
the painting above the toilet.

Here's our messy little kitchen, I took the picture to hide the dishes in the sink...
we're busy people!!
And I didn't think that my bedroom needed to be posted on the information super highway.
so you'll have to come over to see that!
that's all!

coffee and the great outdoors

2008-03-29T23:55:00.001-07:00

Explore. Conquer. Let God take your breath away. One such adventure led me here. With the Carpenter siblings alongside we made our own way. Forget the trail. Trails are for squares, or people with a poor sense of direction, in which case follow along cause we don't want to have to go looking for you. Anyway.... This was one of those moments, where we'd searched for something glorious and found it. After scaling some massive rock walls and crags we made our own way to the top of misery ridge, which for anyone who knows about it...is freaking hard to climb up just on the trail and we climbed up the BACKSIDE of it. I know you're thinking, hardcore, these people are hardcore. Well it's true, and you can join us, this summer while we take up our new sport.... rock climbing.

There is a part of my heart that is reserved. I call that place "porchie" or "the porch" otherwise known as Backporch Coffee Roasters. One thing that I am confident of is that there will be coffee in heaven. And God will probably ask Dave Beach to Roast it. I used to spend my mornings here, reading my bible and conversing with my comrades and playing the occasional game of skip-bo. However, since my hours are few these days I really only get to stop by and grab my standard americano with cream (of which I don't stir, that's right I don't stir my cream in, it mixes itself naturally people! I'm not lying, after one or two sips, I'm serious. save the trees and don't stir please. I'm kidding. I'm not that much of a hippie, but I really don't stir) and I'm off to work or school or church or if I'm luck it's saturday and I get to sit for a while and stare out the window and people watch, which is a glorious hobby to pick up I might add.
And the most recent addition to my life, sunrises on Turf Butte. Are you confused as to what and where Turf Butte is? oh I will tell you. There are two ways to get to it. One is easy and one is very very difficult (the kind of difficult that makes you feel like your a 50-year old smoker with asthma). Oh but there's a catch, in order for you to know how to get there...you have to come watch the sunrise with me, during this time of year it rises between 6:22 and 6:52, early yes, but worth it. Because one of the coolest things about watching the sunrise is seeing God in it. But not the complicated spiritual metaphoric God, but in the simpleness of Himself. I was watching it this morning and just thinking about God and while there were a million cool things that mirror God and sound very profound I was honestly just taken aback with God. Just Him, no specific part of His character or virtue, just simply Him. I just enjoyed being with God and watching the sunrise. Try it, Try it, Try it. Sunrise or no. Just enjoy being with God and having no agenda, there's not many things that are better.

Much love. Very much love.

life is so busy!!

2008-01-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

Back from the winter break and life is in full swing again! Not really any new developments. The classes I'm taking this semester are Math 111 and Library 127 and Health and Human preformance and CPR/First aid. I really love my Health Class, it's super interesting! And I hope that I take all the practical stuff and apply it to my life. Did you know that Diabetes is the moving up the charts on the leading causes of death in the US? well that's the kind of stuff that I learn about.
As far as the little personal details of my life, they normally come in picture form, because I just really think reading blogs without pictures is boring! So here we go:These are the girls that attended out post christmas party! the one in the maroon shirt is my new roomate Mekenzie, and the awesome lady next to her throwing up the rock fist is her mom! they are both so great! some of mekenzie and I's favorite activities include decorating our apartment, which was finished recently and the pictures are coming as soon as it looks presentable again! other activities include late night talks about the Lord and well just how much He much blesses our life!My good friend karlee Strickland came back to town for a christmas visit! she's the one with the giant smile on the other side of joanna banana!!!!!! It was super good to see her!!
Other recent life events include but there are no pictures of:
1.the soon trip to Aspen for the X-games! GO JANNA!!
2. just finished reading Under the Overpass. it was good, not a favorite, but for sure insightful on the life of the homeless.
3. Started serving at the young adult service at my church! it's been really great being able to pray for all the young adults in my generation and seeing God move in there life.

MORE TO COME!!

Time to figure it out!

2007-12-10T15:28:00.000-08:00

After all our work, the UN is finally deploying a peacekeeping force! Tell congress to fund the mission.

Please call 1-800-Genocide (1-800-436-6243) ASAP and tell your representative's office to fund the UN mission in Darfur.

It takes 2 minutes. It's easier than ordering a pizza - and it has a huge impact on what gets funded.

Watch LifeNets.net CEO John De Mott call his representative

When you call simply say "I'm a voter in [city] and I'm calling to urge your office to support fully funding the UN mission in Darfur."

What most people don't realize:

My friend told me the other day she was really nervous before she called her representative - which is actually really funny if you know what happens when you call, because 99 times out of 100 your call is processed by a bored college student. So unless you think ordering a pizza is scary, there's no reason to think calling a congressional office is scary. Three months ago, the same kid was taking your pizza orders until they got a job in a congressional office.

After you call, Mr. or Ms. Bored College Student makes a note of the issue you called about and whether you were for or against it. At the end of the day, they tally the numbers and give your rep something that looks like this:

Call Report 12/10/2007

Calling to complain about gas prices - 17 calls

Asking for comprehensive immigration reform - 84 calls

Support funding UN Mission in Darfur - 1,207 calls

This is how they know which issues to pay attention to

So basically, you get reduced to a number. Which is good in the sense that you cannot screw it up. It's like voting, just call and say "Please tell congressman Blank to support fully funding the UN mission in Dafur."

Calls are important! - Not many people care enough about an issue to pick up a phone. Come to think of it, not many people care enough about an issue to vote. So by calling you are showing you are dedicated to the issue and letting them know if they don't pay attention you are going to vote against them and tell all your friends to do the same.

p.s: Always be polite! Limit yourself to one issue (Darfur) - Don't bring up Iraq or immigration. Do that and you can't go wrong.

Please call 1-800-Genocide (1-800-436-6243) ASAP and tell your representative's office to fund the UN mission in Darfur.

Here's Oregon's District Representatives Numbers:

Washington, D.C. Office
	(Main Office) 1404 Longworth House Office Building Washington, DC 20515 Ph: (202) 225-6730 Fax: (202) 225-5774
	District Offices
	Medford (Main District Office) 843 East Main Street, Suite 400 Medford, OR 97504 Ph: (541) 776-4646 Toll free in Oregon: (800) 533-3303 Fax: (541) 779-0204
	Bend Jamison Building 131 NW Hawthorne, Suite 211 Bend, OR 97701 Ph: (541) 389-4408

2007-11-29T20:12:00.001-08:00

I wish that I had better pictures or that I had a better memory of what the night was like. All I know is that it was absolutely perfect. Nothing went wrong, it all went off without a hitch and they are now cruising Europe on a giant buffet boat. sounds luxurious doesn't it? well they're stinkin' sailing the ocean and visiting Italy, and I hope they bring me back an Italian boat or something. All that to say, it was great. Being a maid of honor was a lot of fun, kind of intense because I wanted everything to be perfect, and I learned that I am a control freak. I could've passed a lot of little jobs off to the other wonderful ladies in the bridal party, however, in my brain...I had to do it or it would get messed up...which actually wasn't true...but in the moment I thought it was. anyway, I love them and am excited for them to come back! So without further ado, here is the only picture I have of the wedding.

Just so you know....

2007-11-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

Really this is just so you know that I am not avoiding you, that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, or am ungrateful for you all in my life. I promise I won't ever thank you via the internet for presents again! I actually have all of your thank you notes, in my computer bag ready to be put in envelopes and mailed, I just have not had the time to do so. So I'm very sorry for not writing you sooner, but thank you all, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, and all you wonderful people that are in my life, but just not "in" my life due to geography or time in general. This is what my days consist of literally, there are no margins.
Monday and Wednesday: Work from 7-3; Class from 3:15-7:25. There is one hour in between all of these things that I spend in the tutoring center, because I am not very good at math. These days I usually drink a lot of americano's and just pray for grace to not fall over.
Tuesday and Thursday: Work from 7-3; study or camp out in the tutoring center from 3-6; Church from 7-9
Friday: Work from 7-3; and homework usually until 6 or 8 depending on if I have a test the next week.
Saturday: I have the morning free and then ministry from 2-6 then church( I usually don't make it to this service though) from 6-to whenever I usually spend time with friends.
Sunday: is a homework day and a bible study day and whatever else I can fit it.

My roomate/amazing friend is getting married, and I have been chosen to be the maid of honor. Which turns out is a lot of work. But also has been a lot of fun. I've planned two bridal showers and a bachelorette party, a toast, and all kinds of crazy tiny details that go into helping her with whatever I can. It's really been great to walk with her in this season, but next time I do this I won't agree unless I'm out of school. It's been intense!!

We have company staying with us until the wedding, and are supposed to be out of the apartment two days after the wedding. My plans for housing fell through this week, so that has been a test of trust with God, but He is moving I'm sure of it and I'm so grateful.

All of this on top of normal everyday life, needless to say is exhausting. But I'm really learning to find the quiet place with Jesus and rest in His peace, it's a constant process, but I refuse to just lie dormant. I want to grow closer to Him and tough spots are great opportunities to do so. I'm not complaining in any of this. I just want you to know that when I say I'm busy, I really am. I love you all.

Here are some pictures from my life as of late:
This pretty blond girl will be my new roomate , her name is mekenzie and she just so fun to be around, and I love how much we laugh!! oh we laugh!! and that is my favorite thing to do!! This is us at a coffee shop in sisters just reading the word and loving life.We found the sequence button on our friends camera, and did some awesome photo shoots in Sisters, yeah it's what we do. and it's so great!
This is four out of six of the bridesmaids and the bride in the Arlene Schnitzer (sp?) Concert hall. We went to see comedian Jim Gaffigan. He was so funny!! but mostly I was laughing at the incredibly drunk man behind me who was laughing so ridiculously loud it was piercing my ear drums. And then halfway through, he stopped, I looked back only to find him passed out in his chair...that was a little sad. Being drunk made him miss a really great show. sad.

This is us all ready to go out on the town, in front of Hotel Lucia! It was such a beautiful hotel! and our room had a down comforter and featherbed, oh it was so great. Poor katie had to sleep on the floor though, because we are poor girls and had to cram all of us into two double beds. what a trooper!!

I'll write more later!!
Love you all!!

Life as a hermit

2007-10-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

My life as a hermit: my life as of late, consists of the following: Wedding planning (no not my own), but my best friend and roomate. Lindsay Cawthon-soon to be Lindsay Parnell. Here is a piece of the pie that is included when you are a maid of honor. This is a picture of just one of the activities that I've so lovingly planned for this beautiful soon to be bride. The first shower, is audrey hepburn theme. So we all dressed up in black and white formal and took pictures and celebrated ! The bride is in the middle of course!Oh and don't worry because I've been in a million weddings this summer and into the fall. A friend from preschool, the one who had the mexican fiesta shower tied the knot. and so there I stood in my fire red dress along side her pretty little face and watched as she started her new life as a married woman. Congrats!That's all for now, because I'm off again, to do life, as crazy as it is! I'll write more soon!!

welcome to my glorious life!

2007-08-18T10:15:00.001-07:00

The applicants for the best vacation ever! literally! I haven't been on a better one and this one will be vary hard to beat. These were all the great friends God brought along to experience the joys of houseboating, which include but are not limited to: laying around doing absolutely nothing, reading my bible for hours a day in various places of the decks, water slides, yummy food, wakeboarding, tubing, swimming, times of worship under the beautiful blanket of stars, prayer with great men and women of God, laying around, night swimming, formal taco night, dance parties on the roof, meteor showers, getting stuck in the mud, mud fights, insane games of crazy uno and just wonderful memories! Shasta Lake 2007! Here I come in 2008!

Lindsay joy (soon to be mrs. eric parnell), one of my favorite people in the world has passed on from the single world and since has entered into the wonderful world of engagement. Sad to lose a roomate and so happy to see her experience the next season of life with mr. eric parnell. He proposed on the houseboat in all it's beautiful decor of lights, candles and rose petals. it was beautiful. and she said yes! of course!
These are the girls from left to right: Janna (sunglasses), Noel(redhead), Keri (in between Janna and Noel), Jess (hair in the face), Lindsay (red bikini top), Katie (the one lying down), Mekenzie (linking arms with me), and Tara is in the middle of us!
meet Paco. Our tourguide of Lake Shasta for five wonderful days. where the temperature was a constant 100 degrees and the water of the lake tepid bath water. it was the perfect mix.
Goodbye to my glorious life. God is so good. I was literally blessed so much that I was able to go on this vacation at the start of august. and now the end off to school I go. september 17th! here I go!

2007-07-25T21:09:00.001-07:00

Well since the last update, I suppose a lot has happened! The biggest would've been my best friend getting married!!! It was amazing wedding, went off without a hitch. It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, but not super hot. She looked incredible and he was so lucky to have her. The reception was hilarious, filled with amazing dancing (yup we're amazing dancers!!) and heartfelt toasts (which I tried really hard not to cry through. Then we sent them out, and they spent their first night at a hotel in Bend and took off to Mexico soon after! It was great!!

Then SETH came BACK!!! He was in Africa for three whole months. And despite the huge fan club that wanted to see him when he got back I've gotten to see the wonderful chap a few times! He's doing great, and praying about where God is going to move him next, but he'll be here for the summer which is the best part!!

And if you haven't gotten enough of this wedding wonderfulness!! I've got some more for ya! A good friend from PRESCHOOL, that's right PRESCHOOL! Karlee ANN Hoffman! We saw each other almost two years ago! and re-connected at an ice-cream shop! (and then she ended up doing Master's Commission, the internship at the church) And now I'm in her wedding! she's moving right after which is really sad, but I'm really excited to see what God is going to do with her and her soon-tp-to-be-husband Josh! Here's a great little picture of her bridal shower, thrown by the wonderful Trina Dawn. It was fiesta themed, so we all dressed up as mexican
princesses!

Jess and I!

And the last little adventure I went on in the not to distant past was the Oregon Country Fair! I took some of my friends and exposed them to the world of hippies, which did give them a little bit of some culture shock, but still!!! We all had a lot of fun, here are some of the awesome moments in hippie history!!

Some amazing hippie models!

That's all for now!! Hope you're all doing wonderful and you're having a great Summer!!

Lot's of love to you all!!

Nicolette

2007-05-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

so this is a blog purely about my apartment, yes my apartment, so that you can see where I live and be in love with it as I am in love with it. only you'll have to use your imagination because there aren't actually any sold pictures of it...just bits and pieces....
so the first picture is of lindz and I and behind us is... our red couch...which now that I think about, we don't actually have anymore. katie took it back....so ok, never mind about that one...
the second picture is of an amazing dinner lindsay cooked herb fried turkey and pesto ravioli with lemon and martini glasses full of milk. under those lovely plates is our kitchen table which actually now resides in our living room. we lost our big couch so now we have a very untraditional downstairs with the couch in the kitchen are and table and chairs by the big window looking out the the courtyard of aspens...sounds beautiful huh? it is, in a very quaint westside way. and the martini glass full of milk, is sitting on our kitchen counter with our beautiful green front door, that opens to the ever so spacious parking lot...where we never have a problem parking (yeah I'm lying...). so that's it folks, I'll try and get better pictures of the inside so you can better visualize it. much love in my heart for all of you! talk to ya soon!!

2007-05-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

Gramma's here!!
all the way from the state of new mexico!
this is the little kitchen nook, I love the house, all the windows are so incredible! it looks like a little english cottage.
I'm excited to have her closer and be able to go up and visit without it being a 22 hour drive.

Here's a pretty picture of her really pretty dogwood trees, and another flower/tree I don't know the name of.

The guy in the white hat is my friend Seth, my good friend Seth! This picture was taken the last time that I saw him before he left the states for Africa to be a crazy missionary with Brent and Virginia Earwicker. Brent used to be one of my teachers in the Internship Program that I did two years of at Westside church. They moved to AFrica like six months ago and God has been doing incredible things with them and their ministry ever since.

The picture to the bottom right is Virginia and a Ukranian Orphan.
The one below is my Pastor Jay and Brent is playing the electric guitar. They're awesome.

Go check out their website. www.pleadthecause.org

2007-04-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

So I did pierce my nose. I took out my eyebrow piercing though. and now my nose, however awesome I thought it would be, has proved to be nothing but trouble so far. my skin doesn't like it, my skin doesn't want it in my nose and is trying desperately to tell me that. I have not listened though.
Here are the pictures of the wonderous event:
It hurt really bad as you can see in the pictures, my face displays that hurt.

And this is the final result:

2007-04-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Here's that picture I promised you all! Beautiful Breonna. Throwin' up the rock fist! Her mommy and I went to high school together and are still friends today. I love this little bundle of joy and can't wait to watch her grow into a beautiful little girl, and then stay little so that I don't have fight off all the guys!
cute as can be at six weeks old!

for the fam!

2007-04-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

Well O' distant family of mine, this is for you! So ya'll can keep in touch with the craziness of my life and see that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I love you all and want you to keep in touch with me, so here's a little bit of what's been goin' on!
This picture, which looks like a high school senior picture was taken by my friend tara, who is a picture nazi. and that is not an under statement-in the slightest. she made me stand in this pretty tree, in Boise and take a series of very serious and very funny pictures and I decided I should probably put one of them on here since you all don't see me that much and I bet some of you have even forgotten what I look like. well that's about to change. so here I am and here's a little snipit of my life: There will be many more posts to come, but this is the 30 second recap of the past month.

The second picture, is probably one of the best pictures I've had taken in the past couple weeks, the girl next to me is one of the best, and my roomate. Yes, there is whip cream all over our faces...due to an unfortunate...well actually really fun whip cream fight. Anyway, this is Lindsay, she shares the little cute apartment with me on the westside of Bend. it's real cute. Her and I have had a very supernatural friendship with Jesus consistenly at the center. I've had so much fun with her and learned so much about Jesus from her. she challenges me and encourages and pees her pants laughing with me at the very least, once a day.

This next picture I am proud to share it with an old roomate of mine, Lorelei the girl with the red hair and a wonderful friend of mine Tara in the pink sweater. This picture was taken on a recent trip to Boise, Idaho. Where Lorelei now resides, and a town that I am in love with now. Mostly because Lorelei and my old bible study leaders live there and the incredible woman of God Trina Stevens(I don't have a picture of her, but she's a hottie!), but also because the church there, is crazy incredible and growing really strong in the Lord and is making a huge impact on the community. It's so much fun to watch and hear about how God is changing lives and being the Faithful and full of steadfast love kind of God that the Bible says He is. We had so much fun on this trip, between listening to a very intense book on tape (thank you stricklands!) and listening to the soft coo's of baby hannah (I love that little cute baby, we're totally best friends now!), the road trip began and ended in just three very short days. It was amazing and meeting with Jamie(my old bible study leader), and talking about what God is doing in my life and back in Bend, she totally shook up my perspective and made me see things from a different point of view. which has been really good and challenging, because it pushes me to search harder for Jesus. which I'm doing at the present moment and my relationship with Jesus, is going deeper and deeper and I'm loving every minute of it. He has presently uprooted some major fears in my life and is increasing my faith every day. And really in the last month has begun a work inside of me that has changed my whole outlook on life and proved Himself so Faithful and true to His word that says:
"How lovely is your dwelling place,O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faintsfor the courts of the Lord;my heart and flesh sing for joyto the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself,where she may lay her young,at your altars, O Lord of hosts,my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house,ever singing your praise! Selah Blessed are those whose strength is in you,in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Bacathey make it a place of springs;the early rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength;each one appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah Behold our shield, O God;look on the face of your anointed! For a day in your courts is betterthan a thousand elsewhere.I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my Godthan dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield;the Lord bestows favor and honor.No good thing does he withholdfrom those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts,blessed is the one who trusts in you!" Psalm 84

So that's all for now, I'm on my way to visit my new pseudo niece that was born six weeks ago to one of my best friends! she is so cute! I don't have a picture of her yet but soon!!
love you all!!